More families and friends are spending their holidays with each other to catch up and let their children form closer bonds. It's a trend that makes sense, considering families are living farther apart, working longer or odder hours and juggling after-school activities. But if you're mulling over inviting another family along on your next vacation, there are several pitfalls you'll need to avoid - or you might wind up trading your Frommer's guide to Mexico for the Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Travel.
In the summer of 2003, Shobha George and Harold Jansen of Lethbridge, Alta., headed to Banff with their two children - Benjamin, three, and Joel, one - for a week-long getaway. They were joining Harold's sister, Stephanie, and her husband and three kids, aged four to 11. "We used to go camping before our kids were born," says George, "so last year we thought the kids were just old enough to go." Choosing Banff was easy - George had camped there before, it was an easy distance for both families, and "it's one of the most beautiful places on earth." But even with their destination decided, George had to choose a park site strategically - "I asked for a spot near the bathroom, as Benjamin was being toilet trained at the time" - and in hindsight she feels she should have chosen a separate site from Stephanie's family. "Our kids went to bed earlier and were waking up at 7 a.m., so I was trying to keep my kids from waking up Steph's."
The destination doesn't have to be a sticking point. In many cases, one family already has a place in mind, and the other family is invited to join the fun. Some families have made it work even in far-flung locales like the Caribbean, South America or Europe. Of course, your choice will have to mesh with the other family's pocketbook.
That concern was top of mind for Toronto mom Kerry McNeil*. She got her inspiration while walking her dog and running into a neighbour whose family went to France every year. "The kids really love it, and his wife's parents go as well." She was smitten by his account. "I knew it would be a bucolic, rich cultural experience." McNeil got her husband on board, as well as their daughter, Charlie, 13, and son, Thomas, 11. But it would require finding another family who could handle the expense. After careful consideration, they decided to ask Michelle and Ralph Johnson*, and their children, Alison, 11, and Simon, eight. The two families had known each other for a few years and shared many family dinners. "We were similar kinds of people and I just threw it out as a wild card." Often, just dreaming out loud, or listening closely to your friends' vacation ideas can spark a multi-family getaway.
Family camaraderie
Beyond finances, you also have to be really comfortable with the other couple and their kids. "Some mornings you look terrible, or don't shower first thing," laughs Corner Brook, NL, mom Connie Boland whose family has vacationed with her sister-in-law's in the province's scenic Codroy Valley. George agrees that being close and relaxed with another family is a must, particularly when it comes to parenting styles. "It's easy to go on vacation with someone when they parent the way you do."
Still, this can be deceptive, says Kyle McCarthy of the Family Travel Forum, an online newsletter (familytravelforum.com). "It's often hard to understand another person's parenting style until you do live with them." If you feel strongly about an issue like curfews or etiquette, you should decide to let it slide while on holiday or share your concern with the other family during the planning stage.
