Jim Marchment, a 35-year-old high school teacher in Port Perry, Ont., decided to take care of all the night-time feedings after daughter Arden was born, thus allowing his wife Stephanie to be well rested for when he was at work.
And while a happy mother made for a happy father at home - "That's exactly true. Figure out what your wife wants you to do to make her life easier," he says - it also on occasion made for an irritable colleague at work.
"A few times I'd get short with people I shouldn't get short with," admits Marchment. "There were times I'd be unreasonable, where I haven't slept, I'm exhausted and you get into some silly argument. You almost start to feel like a martyr. A lack of sleep will do that to you."
One thing Schafer recommends is discussing the division of labour ahead of time and being flexible enough to adjust plans as needed once baby arrives.
That's something Howard Cukier and his wife Abigail are trying to do in preparation for the arrival of their first child in July. Cukier plans to use a week of vacation once their baby is born to help with the chaos of the first few days at home, but once the 32-year-old science research associate returns to work, he's not sure what's going to happen.
"Our parents' generation, the father wasn't as involved and now, in most cases, the father wants to be involved just as much as the mother and it's hard to go back," says the Stoney Creek, Ont., resident. "I know I'm going to want to spend as much time as I can with the baby and at the same time I'm going to want to look after Abby."
"I don't know how I'm going to divide my time, but I'm going to try to give Abby as much rest as I can."
Kay, the TV writer, says things get better as the child gets older. His daughter Annie is over seven months now and he and his wife can't believe how much their lives have changed. His advice to new dads feeling overwhelmed is to keep in mind that the initial crunch eases and eventually you settle into a routine that works.
"If I think back on the first eight weeks, I can barely even remember them, it was a blur. It's like you're on this weird adrenaline," he says. "It's almost like it didn't happen in a way. It was this mad blur and it's just crazy that everything gets done. You're trying to figure out what you're doing and you don't have a clue what you're doing."
"We laugh about it now because Annie is so much easier to handle in every way."
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Some tips from fathers on coping with a return to work while a newborn is at home:
-Take off as much time as possible. With some planning, fathers can create their own brief paternity leave by combining vacation with time owing, sick days and an unpaid leave of absence.
-Get as much sleep as possible and make sure to take advantage of the opportunity whenever your baby is sleeping. "It sounds obvious, but every little bit you can get helps you to function," says Joe Kay.
-Find ways to better manage your time at work and look for ways to ease your workload. "Try to think about the way you operate at work and try to think of a few strategies to make it more efficient so you can get things done and leave it at the office," says Kevin Lasko.
-Remember that your wife is probably even more tired than you are tending to a newborn, so be patient. "Make sure you don't turn on each other. Once you get too tired, you can lose your judgment pretty quick," says Jim Marchment.
