At 17 months old, Kristin doesn't talk much yet, but she certainly can communicate. "She most definitely lets us know what she wants most of the time," says her mom, Lynn Neville.
How? If she wants her parents to join her in another room, she will take their hands and pull them there. She turns on the stairwell light and points up if she wants to go upstairs. She stands in front of her dad and puts her hand on his leg if she wants to be lifted. Time to go outside? Kristin will bring her coat or boots to get the message across. She points to her plate or glass if she wants more. Just the other day, she pulled her mom over to the fridge and pointed to ask for a drink.
Matthew, 13 months old, also has great charades potential. His mom, Lily Eisenberg, says sometimes "it's trial and error trying to figure out what he wants, but eventually I get it." Matthew's a whole-body communicator. "He will bounce up and down with excitement and, when he's tired, he sucks his thumb and puts his head down on me," says Eisenberg. He also has perfected an irresistible method of begging a sip of his parents' drink: "When he sees us having a glass of water or juice, he starts this kind of excited laugh and stares at the glass. He won't stop until he gets a sip."
Body language is a very important aspect of communication - for everyone, but especially for infants and pre-verbal toddlers, says Chaya Kulkarni, vice-president of parent and professional education for Invest in Kids (a Canadian organization that promotes the well-being of children under five). "It goes way beyond pointing and crying," she says. "Toddlers' body language tells us a lot about what they're experiencing and what they are feeling."
While some gestures, like pointing, are universal, Kulkarni says the key to understanding your toddler's body language is observation. "Watch your child for cues and patterns. What kinds of situations bring out that kind of behaviour?"
Toddlers are keen to communicate and, before they develop a good grasp of speech, their inability to get a message across is often a source of intense frustration. Being able to gesture - and have those gestures understood - goes a long way to easing that frustration. Once a child starts talking, though, many parents wonder if they should encourage him to speak rather than responding to his body language.
It's not either/or, says Kulkarni. "One of the best things parents can do is use words to repeat what the child is trying to tell them: 'You're rubbing your eyes - are you tired?'" This way, you let your child know you understand, and you give her the words she will eventually use.
That's what Kristin's parents do. "If we tell her we don't understand and try to get her to say the word, she gets very frustrated - even if it's a word like 'banana' that she does say on occasion," explains Neville. "So for now we just say the word several times while we 'comply.' We'll say 'Kristin wants up' or 'Kristin wants a banana.'"
Matthew is already starting to combine attempts at words with his gestures. "If he's on my lap and wants down, he wiggles and arches his back and says, 'da da da,' meaning down down down," says Eisenberg.
In addition to talking to your child and repeating the words to label what he is communicating, Kukarni says that songs, nursery rhymes and stories will nurture children's speech development.
