Spank or not to spank?

1. Posted by Dave on Fri, Jun 19, 2009

Mom and dad always gave us plenty of chances, and spanked only as a last resort as well. And when we got one, it was never more than 1 or 2 good swats on the backside, always on the outside of the clothes or diaper (when we were that young). If kids today got stricter discipline, maybe they'd be generally better and we'd see less in the way of gang behaviour from kids. We were swatted as kids and we turned out just fine, thankyouverymuch.

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2. Posted by Angela on Fri, Jun 19, 2009

Oh my bleeding god! I was spanked when I was kid and I definitely deserved every one of them. As far as I know I turned out fine. Harm brain development??? Last time I checked my brain is not my ass. I'm not a parent but I believe in disciplining a child that deserves what's coming to theml.

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3. Posted by Nicole on Fri, Jun 19, 2009

LOL @ angela, i don't think my brain is in my ass either. I was spanked as a child and I occasionally spank my child and I don't think either of us have developmental problems and etc. I think it is just a witch hunt on the gosselins now, any little wrong move they make will be blown way out of proportion.

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4. Posted by Star of The Cross on Fri, Jun 19, 2009

What's wrong with spanking ? This is a very old tradition of disciplining a child that worked and I'm sure this is needed if talking won't work anymore. Let our children knows who's the mother/father in the house. I'm sure they will backed-off and will learn the rules so next time, no more spanking.

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5. Posted by john h on Fri, Jun 19, 2009

Funny how physically hitting your child is the best thing for them. It's the same mentality that wife beaters have. " A good slap will keep the [profane] inline" RIGHT interesting

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6. Posted by john h on Fri, Jun 19, 2009

" [profane]" is not profane

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7. Posted by purpleredsnake on Fri, Jun 19, 2009

Both my brother and I were spanked as children....Neither of us turned out horribly...In fact we turned out to be very resposible and respectable adults. Spanking was only used in our house if no other form of discipline was not getting the point across that the action was not acceptable. Frankly I think that parents who do not employ this as a use of discipline end up with children/teens who do not respect them and always expect to get their own way. The children grow up thinking that they can walk all over their parents.

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8. Posted by Roguetheelf24 on Fri, Jun 19, 2009

My friend used to babysit for some stupid broad and her husband who constantly allowed their kids to disrespect this babysitter over and over again, but yet later went ahead and accused my friend of child abuse, just because my friend got fed up and gave one of their three kids a good paddling after he had deliberately disrespected her over and over again for the entire day, in front of his mother who did nothing to discipline him at all. As far as I'm concerned, spanking is not abuse if you don't take it too far, and if these people had any intelligence and was doing their job right as parents instead of constantly partying all the time, they would have known enough that its NOT okay to allow your kids to disrespect any adult at ANY time and that they should have on so many occasions, spanked their kids when they were asking for it, but they didn't. They allowed their kids to get away with so much and expected my friend to put up with the crap their kids were throwing at her, but yet called her a childabuser for doing something that THEY THEMSELVES should have been doing in the first place. So no, I don't think at all that spanking is abuse. It's only abuse if you're beating them in a violent fit of anger and leaving bleeding marks, but there is nothing wrong with giving a few hard slaps on the butt when they're really asking for it. Unfortunately, there's those people like these people I mentioned who want to scream " child abuse " at the slightest sign of discipline in public and these people are full of pride and want to cause trouble for others who know how to handle unruly behavior. I think they should re-legalize spanking as long as it's not taken too far.

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9. Posted by KR on Fri, Jun 19, 2009

spank first- ask questions later

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10. Posted by lilredjet_99 on Fri, Jun 19, 2009

I was spanked as a child, and I am here to tell you that I am just fine!! If I was in a store and didn't listen to Mom or threw a tantrum? Guess what... yeah.. I got a smack on the arse!! Did I deserve it? You bet!! I grew up respecting adults, my family and myself!! I learned that there are consequences for my bad choices. There for I made the right choice as to not piss off my parents and really get a licken!! Tell me what is the harm in that? My parents did NOT ABUSE ME! I am a very happy well adjusted woman. I spank my kids arses when they need it. So far they are not in a gang, don't do drugs and sure as hell respect me and others....and yeah the law too!! We are talking about spanking...on the ass,.....not beating the living crap out of a kid, or verbally abusing them either. A smack on the arse..and last time I checked is a long way from our brains.... My brain is just fine. I don't take drugs, I am not in therapy for being abused as a child, I am not abused by my husband...... my husband got spanked too as a child ( and some on here think that leads to wife beating) Sorry, but I will continue to discipline my kids as I see fit. So far it is working, well hey ...it worked for me.

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11. Posted by Duchess on Sat, Jun 20, 2009

I work every day with troubled youth who left home for a variety of reasons. The majority of them tell of parents who didn't bother to take the time to teach or discipline them appropriately. Verbal abuse of a child leads to low self esteem and that opens the door to a host of problems. Personally I spanked my daughter occasionally (twice) when she was between 2 & 5 yrs. of age. A tap was all it took to redirect attention. On the other hand I would never train a dog in this way. I get the desired results from blocking and snapping my fingers without resorting to hitting. Hmmm. I was disciplined excessively by my father, my mother never hit any of us nor did she raise her voice, she just had give us a hard look and we understood. She would on occasion pinch us in Church for giggling. My Father would scream obsenities and that hurt more than a slap, I still remember the terror I felt when he would rant. I am a productive member of society today and don't feel that the physical and verbal abuse I underwent made me want to abuse others or commit criminal acts. In fact because of the way my Father acted I was commited to not making the same mistakes with my own child, she is 23 years old, kind, loving, compassionate and tells me i did a good job of raising her. So I believe that children today need a firm hand that may or may not include spanking. I think we need to look at ourselves when we justify spanking, is it really necessary? not just our own frustration boiling over? Placing a child or a dog in time out takes patience and repetitive action to get the desired result, maybe spankers are just too lazy to do the job properly.

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12. Posted by Amanda on Sat, Jun 20, 2009

Hey everyone, I remember very clearly gettin swatted with whatever mom had in her hand at the time if it was deserved, I also turned out just fine. I think in all honesty, the trend towards catering to children and explaining everything a billion times is getting ridiculous. Spanking is a reasonable form of discipline, because the fact of the matter is that if I child has absolutely no fear of a parent, then the parent has absolutely no control of the child. I remember being significantly more worried about my father finding out I did something stupid then I ever was about the police. I think its absolutely insane to say that you will scar a child for life, by disciplining them. But I do have to comment on one of the posts up here, I absolutely think it is innappropriate for someone else to spank your/my child. Regardless of what my parenting choices have been, I would be mad if someone else chose to correct them, by spanking my child. I can say personally, some parents do need to step up and be a parent, as I run a daycare, but no matter how frustrating it can be to deal with a child who has a serious lack of respect, I still dont find it alright to spank them if they are not yours. Everyone who is excessively worried about spanking your child because it 'embarrasses and degrades' them, I just have one thing to say. That's the whole damn point. Spankings don't usually hurt a whole lot, but they're embarrassing, and a good incentive to not do that again. I think that all the 'compassionate' parenting is creating children who are emotionally fragile, and unable to understand why no one is standing there telling them "great job" at every step throughout their lives. Every child is different, you can put some children in time out til the cows come home, if it doesnt bother the child, its pointless. You have to find what gets to which kid, if a swat is what it takes to get their attention, then so be it. A spanking, is not child abuse.

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13. Posted by Roguetheelf24 on Sat, Jun 20, 2009

To Amanda. I sort of agree with you and I sort of don't. True, a lot of people would be mad if someone else spanked your kid, but if you're the type of parent who refuses to step up and discipline and punish your kid when that kid is disrespecting and swearing at another adult, you should realize if you allow it to continue SOMETHING is going to happen! It's like that saying " if you don't put your foot down on your child, somebody else will. ". So frankly, I think my friend had a right to give one these kids she was babysitting a good paddling after he spent the whole day mouthing off and swearing at her, because NOBODY should have put up with being called an " effing [profane] " all day long and the parents are just mad because she dared to do something that they should have done themselves and not expect her to put up with it. Just because you're the parents of unruly children, that doesn't mean that gives you the right to expect others to put with their crap. You have no idea of what my friend used to have to put up with from both the kids AND the parents, who used her for babysitting and took advantage of her because she used to be too nice to tell them no sometimes, but she's not like that anymore. If I was a mother, I would spank my kids for deliberatly disrespecting any adult and I'd make them apologize to them later!

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14. Posted by Jadie on Sat, Jun 20, 2009

i was spanked when i was a kid and turned out to be respectful and know my limitations as a kid. spanking is good . very very good. keep the tradition.

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15. Posted by dawn on Sun, Jun 21, 2009

all in moderation, but some kids need it

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16. Posted by Nicole on Mon, Jun 22, 2009

John H I don't think a wife beater beating the day lights out of his wife is the same as a parent swatting a child on their bum. Most wife beaters don't just swap their wives on the bum. They break bones, and cause bruises, unlike a parent who spank on the bum (if done properly) leaves no mark or injury.

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17. Posted by leprecaun28 on Mon, Jun 22, 2009

My brother and I were spanked and we turned out fine. My sister-in-law would be the one to to the "time-outs" and my brother was left to discipline the kids but she had to change her tune. You can only do so many time-outs, grounding, loss of privileges before things escalate to a point where you have to spank to get the message across. Kate Gosselin may have shown a little more restraint than doing it in front of the cameras that are parked outside her house 24/7 but I bet raising 8 kids is not the easiest thing to do either.

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18. Posted by Lori on Mon, Jun 22, 2009

Discipline should be defined Spanking is a form of discipline, a tool just like time out or grounding or teaching correcting& instructing. James Dobson defines "Discipline as NOT something you do TO your child, it is something you do FOR your child." As parents we need to lead our children, and set the standard and example for approppriate behavior. Spanking should not be a last resort, implying that you are at your wits end and frustrated, so now your child gets a spanking. As is the case for all forms of discipline, the key is how it is handled. The parent can NOT be angry or frustrated, LOVE needs to be the motivation for any form of discipline. Parents need to take "Time Out" themselves if they are frustrated and angry. This might be in the form of one slow deep breath and a reminder to themselves to calm down before even opening their mouth to speak to their child, or enforce time out or spank. Spanking should be a form of disciple used for a specific offence like disrespect, disobeying, where as time out could be used for not sharing the toys,etc. Parents need to set the rules and enforce them in love, their children will know what is expected of them and know the consequences if they choose to disregard, or disobey the rules. It is very sad to hear of children who are verbally and emotionally and physically abused, and equally sad when it was done under the guise of being disciplined. I think a healthy rule for parents to place on themselves, (one that I used for myself when raising my 6 children, who are all adults now) is to Never Disciple my kids when I am angry or frustrated. I found this easiest to do if I was consistant, fair and ready.. yes READY rule #2 Think before you speak. Don't tell your child to do something or to stop doing something without being prepared to enforce it after saying it only once. Your child needs to know that you mean what you say and that you were not just making a suggestion for something for them to just think about.

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19. Posted by terrabeam on Mon, Jun 22, 2009

I think all hitting and spanking is wrong...I do spank and hit my kids once or twice with my hands, and it is only when they really push me. I was beaten with sticks and worse and verbally abused. I do believe there are parents who do not hit or abuse there kids as well. I want to be one of those parents . I believe my upbring and all the abuse I have seen and had makes it very hard to be the parent I would love to be....more nderstanding and less reactive.

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20. Posted by Missy on Mon, Jun 22, 2009

I don't feel spanking is "horrible" but certainly the lazy way to parent. It takes more time, skill and patience to "use our words". I think people who spank just don't have the skill set to do things a better way. Sure, people who were spanked may have turned out fine but certainly- things would have been better for all concerned if violence was not allowed be the answer.

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21. Posted by the_logan_gi... on Mon, Jun 22, 2009

i am still pretty young, 19, and so i remember almost all the spankings - and i definetely deserved them. another thing, my parents never spanked me when they were mad - its a good idea, if you have a short fuse to just wait till you cool down to give discipline, so that you are sure it is not over the top... but spanking does not stunt children's growth. they need guidance and teaching and all that good stuff. without it they turn in to unmotivated, uncontrollable morons (without firm guidance) and i like Kate's comment about being a mom first. she probably expected a storm, and still stuck to her guns.

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22. Posted by the_logan_gi... on Mon, Jun 22, 2009

well said lori!

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23. Posted by saleprice on Wed, Jun 24, 2009

Spare the rod & spoil the child, it's as true today as ever it was....

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24. Posted by Mem on Wed, Jun 24, 2009

I'd have to go with John H on this one :/ And I must put in my own opinion, Spanking won't help and I do not think children should respect adults anymore or any less then the adults respect the kids. Take my friend for example, she was spanked/slapped when she was young now she is 20 years old and if you raise your hand like 'high-five' or such she'll kind of cower, she says its stupid but thats just how she reacts cause of the spanking.

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25. Posted by Its Tash on Fri, Sep 25, 2009

I think that in most cases parents with higher IQ's will have children with higher IQ's (due to a combination of genetic predisposition and environment) .... and it is the parents with higher IQ's that are more likely to use other techniques when faced with the challenges that a misbehaving child will bring......so essentially I think this "connection" assuming that not spanking kids will raise their IQ is false.

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26. Posted by GEORGE on Fri, Sep 25, 2009

This does not change anything... why... because I know people who claim they were never spanked who have the common sense of a toad. The only real consistant fact is that IQ is determined by multiple factors. (ie: genes, enviorment, habits, food, chemicals being added into the body, etc.) In the end... I have to agree with "saleprice"... spare the rod, spoil the child. I would rather have an average IQ respectful, decent and moral child/citizen who may not fit into societies "deemed" smart category then a rude, disrespectful smart ars who lives without minium or maxium lines of action and reaction.

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27. Posted by David on Fri, Sep 25, 2009

Good grief!! What next will some know-it-all psychologist come up with? Spanking lowering IQ.....What a crock!!.. I was spanked as a child [when I deserved it] and My IQ is consistently above 140 on tests. My 4 children all were spanked when they deserved it and all are exceptionally bright. If more of today's youth got a swat on the behind when they misbehaved, we would not have such a high number of disfunctional kids out there. These ones who are allowed to do as they please without any danger of being properly disciplined are true headaches, not only to their parents, but to society in general.

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28. Posted by rodladret on Fri, Sep 25, 2009

This study is inherently flawed. Eg.. What was the parents IQ and history of impulse control. Perhaps people that can not resist spanking their children have lower IQs and pass them on to their children. The IQ may be inherited and not enviromental.

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29. Posted by teenie772003 on Fri, Sep 25, 2009

what a load of crap... everything we do in life is to gain pleasure and avoide pain. if you kid is doing something that warrents a slap on the bum so be it! Least they would know that wow it hurts and think twice next time. As far as IQ we have a whole generation of people now who claim never to be have spanked...some are not ver y productive memebers of society if you get my drift

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30. Posted by teenie772003 on Fri, Sep 25, 2009

what a load of crap... everything we do in life is to gain pleasure and avoide pain. if you kid is doing something that warrents a slap on the bum so be it! Least they would know that wow it hurts and think twice next time. As far as IQ we have a whole generation of people now who claim never to be have spanked...some are not ver y productive memebers of society if you get my drift

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