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My Messy Bedroom

Domestic Bliss?

Posted Wed, Nov 04, 2009
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According to a new study out of the U.S., the more housework a husband does, the more sex he gets. But hold on fella, before you jump up and start scrubbing the toilet, according to the study, the effect wasn't causal. While most couples complain that trying to juggle work, family and keeping the dust bunnies from multiplying too quickly leaves little time for sex, the study of almost 7000 married couples revealed that those who work hardest, also do the most housework and yes, have the most sex.

'Rather than compromise their sex life' because of time demands at work or at home, 'this group of go-getters seems to make sex a priority,' says Constance Gager, lead researcher and an assistant professor of family and child studies at Montclair State University, Montclair, New Jersey.

But it's not just about being overachievers. The researchers also said that many couples in the study, published online in the Journal of Family Issues, said that sharing household duties made them feel more like a team working together to maintain their home which in turn, made them feel more intimate.

This study isn't the first to make the connection between sharing household duties and marital bliss. Couples in one U.S. study out of the Pew Research Center placed 'sharing household chores' as the third most important factor in a successful marriage, behind faithfulness and a happy sexual relationship.

Unfortunately, according to this study, women still spend an average 41.8 hours a week on housework, compared with 23.4 hours for husbands. And, I have yet to see a TV ad in which hubby's gobsmacked by the amazing scrubbing power of some new cleaning product unless it's got some kind of masculinity-preserving technology behind it. It's not like we're still living in a 1950s sitcom and there are certainly plenty of guys who more than pull their domestic weight, but generally, women still do most of the housework. And many resent it.

While the couples who did more housework and had more sex in the New Jersey study was more about their go-getter attitudes in general and not necessarily a causal relationship - that is, that doing more housework leads to more sex -- I've heard more than one woman joke that her idea of great foreplay is having her husband do the dishes or the laundry without having to be asked. Only thing is, she's probably not joking. Maybe you should get up and scrub that toilet after all.

How do you and your partner share the housework? Does it cause conflict in your marriage?

Average (3 Ratings)3.00 out of 5 stars

9 Comments

  • 1. Posted by coneflower on Fri, Nov 06, 2009

    well ,well i thought it was OUR home ,OUR amily so i think it should be US keeping it clean .and sex when you have children in the house just has be be when they are asleep or not at home if everyone is normal and not looking for pole dancing and lap dancing.

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  • 2. Posted by Jim on Sat, Nov 07, 2009

    Sex is NOT a bargaining chip, yet it seems most of the men I know are subjected to this type of power play in their homes. Is it any wonder more couples are turning to the principles of D/s as the foundation of a more "Traditional" style relationship???

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  • 3. Posted by Joji on Mon, Nov 09, 2009

    I don't know is it me or seems like the Media is portraying men as a stupid moron comapre to Women, every comercial you see on TV is sending this message out. This Article is Stupid. The Difference b/w a Home and a House is if all family members contribute, Most men usually just sit on the Couch, drink beer and watch TV, does this look attractive? Nope. If the Husband contributes, the wife women feels secure, happy and content that she's got a "Home". If the women is happy ofcourse she will want her Mate, her Husband, her man to be happy too... Whats so difficult about that?

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  • 4. Posted by kev-cz on Tue, Nov 10, 2009

    Joji: There's nothing terribly difficult about it, when it works. Too often it doesn't. It's easy enough to contribute to the upkeep of the home in general, it's not so easy to do it when every contribution you make gets picked apart because your significant other doesn't know how to be satisfied. I know how to vacuum a floor, wash the dishes and clean a bathroom without being supervised and told I'm not doing it right, thank you very much. See how much it improves your sex life after a day of having eveything you do picked apart to the nth degree by your significant other. It does nothing to increase the libido or to encourage further "contributions" to the upkeep of the home when you pretty much know before hand that nothing you do is going to meet with satisfaction. Thankfully my current girlfriend doesn't do that too much, but I could tell you about an ex of mine.....

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  • 5. Posted by Joji on Tue, Nov 10, 2009

    @kev-cz: I agree some are not easily satisfied - One word "Communication" may help. Dishes go in the Dishwasgher, very less input from me. She takes the kitchen, I take over the vaccum. Yes there are things that I do and she is not happy with it.. She does those herself. Just both of theparties have to be understanding. However if She is driving and I am sitting next to her - THAT DOES NOT GO WELL....

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  • 6. Posted by CK on Tue, Nov 17, 2009

    My wife and I have been married 29 years and my response to this is that I am only too happy to do a series of designated chores around the house as long as she is as well. I absolutely will not be instructed or criticized by her in any way shape or form during the completion of these tasks, and I in turn will not instruct or criticize her and wil express appreciation of her work. But if she attempts to control the cleaning process too much she will feel my anger in turn. When it comes to sex we have our timing of 6 times a month, nothing whatsoever to do with the state of the house or whether the kids are around etc (mind you ours are late teens) and I will never allow her to put off sex using the cleaning or an other reason for that matter as an excuse. I am not a controlling person but I have found that I had to take control in these two areas in the ways that I mentioned for the marriage to have a sense of balance and I truly feel sorry for any man that has his sex life based on his ability to clean a floor, an absolute turn off for any man and if she denies sex on a regular basis because of that I would be seeing my lawyer.

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  • 7. Posted by CK on Tue, Nov 17, 2009

    Also I am tired of this same finding every study, which I note has been led by female researchers. I would not trust the findings of any women led study of this type, as its findings are a forgone conclusion. They know the results they want and the study is set up in such a way as to get it. I would also like to see a study about male /female work hours outside of the house work factored in as well, as in many of the families I know the husband still contributes the larger share to the financial well being of the home and yet that was not counted in any way when it came time to "study" who did the most work for the family, and believe me when I say making money for the family IS a form a housework.

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  • 8. Posted by Joji on Thu, Nov 26, 2009

    @CK: "6 times a month" Wow..... Dude thats Not enough at all, We jump on it whenever we get a chance, Kids are young (5 & 6), on my day off, kids aleep during the afternoon: Thats an extra freebie..... Also if i am tired or had a stressful day at work, I refuse to help or take a nap. I Stay away from TV....

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  • 9. Posted by Naomi on Tue, Jan 26, 2010

    @Joji: I absolutely agree with what you said about a woman feeling happy because it's a home. That is dead on! I'm a new mom myself and it's hard because my hubby just doesn't do his share, neither does our roommate (sucks!) I have found recently that the thought of a man who actually helps take care of his home and family is a HUGE turn on! It's an evolutionary trait of ours, indeed in the whole animal kingdom. A woman wants a man who can take care of her and her children. So we seek out responsible men who do these things. I agree, CK that no woman should pick apart what you do. If you are helping, things should be fine and she should be happy. If she doesn't like it, she should do it herself.

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