A while back, she'd been gushing to my girlfriend about her new guy and how he'd told her he'd "fall on swords" and even "go to war" for her, such was his love. She was enraptured and madly, deeply in love with this man.
I couldn't help but roll my eyes. It's not that I'm not a romantic. And sure, big, sweeping romantic statements are wonderful to hear. Big, sweeping, romantic gestures are even better. But in the day-to-day life of a relationship, once the new car smell has worn off a little, this kind of fairy tale bravado is less appreciated than the small, perhaps less sweeping, but more practical romantic statements and gestures.
As my girlfriend's partner responded when she shared the falling-on-swords stuff about her friend with him: "I wouldn't fall on swords for you, but I'd go to the shops for you." (That's British for "I'd do the grocery shopping for you.")
Perhaps not the stuff of storybook romance but far more appreciated, we agreed, especially given they have a newborn and getting the groceries is a major task these days. Besides, we realized, falling on swords would only leave you with a dead partner. Not so helpful, again, especially with a newborn on your hands.
Last we heard, our mutual friend was feeling less enraptured. Her guy, it seems, while ready to go to war for her, wasn't ready to go the distance when it came to the more crunchy bits of actually having a relationship. Things fell apart.
Of course, we all want to find a partner who would do anything for us, even slay a dragon or two, if necessary. And metaphorically, these kinds of grandiose declarations of love can are not to be dismissed. But this kind of fairy tale version of love only works if it also has a foot in reality.
As a wise friend once said to me: there is no such thing as love, only proof of love.
And, with so few dragons around these days to slay, you better be able to offer something a little more practical as proof.
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