Sex on the brain

"We are not taught to connect brain and body," says Helliesen. "And when it comes to sex, we don't think the brain has anything to do with how we have sex, what we desire, what makes us desire and what turns us on."

This is especially true for men whom we are led to believe think with their penises. As a result, they pay more attention to what is going on with their body than what is happening in their head.

On the other hand, most women tend to live too much in their head ignoring the body connection. For example, if you're thinking too much about trying to have an orgasm, you're not going to have an orgasm, because you're brain keeps butting in.

To help create a healthier, mind/body connection, Hellieson focuses first on breathing. You might be surprised how often you hold your breath throughout the day as a reaction to stress or tension. It's something we learn early. How many kids have you seen hold their breath when they are upset or angry?

Holding your breath is a survival mechanism that triggers the body's fight and flight mechanism, says Hellieson. If you're having sex and scrunching up your face and holding your breath, your brain says, "whoa, danger must be near." Not exactly the most conducive state of mind to experiencing pleasure.

If you're constantly tense, stressed or anxious, your brain is getting constant messages of impending danger, and it's hardly going to tell you to lay down and have sex because, heck, you might be killed.

"I use exercises to help people trick their brains to recreate the body/brain connection. Like interacting with another person while balancing on one foot," she explains. "This forces them to focus hard on the physical challenge of not falling over leaving little room to think about anything else and helps them to focus on their body while interacting with another person."

In her practice, Hellieson deals with everything from men with erectile problems or premature ejaculation to women who can't orgasm or whom experience low desire.

"Most women aren't taught how to feel or interpret desire," explains Hellieson. "Instead, they feel it as ?I want to eat, drink or shop.' They don't take a moment and go,' hey I'm horny,' in part because women don't get the physical indication that men do, that is, an erection."

In the case of erectile dysfunction, she says, men come to her in a panic because they aren't getting erections from the same things that used to get him hard. But again, once his brain is in panic mode, forget it, says Hellieson. "I have to get him to stop, reconnect with his body and help send a message to his brain that it's okay, he's safe. Once the brain believes this, the body will respond."

Marta Hellieson's tips for improving your body/mind connection:

*Check your breathing throughout the day. Force yourself to breath more deeply.
*Throughout the day, pay attention to the tension in your face. If you relax your face, your body is more likely to follow.
*Pay attention to your legs. These are your connection to the ground. Balance on one leg to force yourself to feel the connection between your legs and the rest of your body.
*Don't get stuck in a routine. Do something different everyday to keep your brain on its toes. Same goes for sex. If you fall into a pattern of having sex the same way at the same time, shake it up.

For more information or to register for Marta's workshops, go to www.goodforher.com.