Are you flirtexting with me?

Today, over 233 million Americans own cell phones and over 7.3 billion text messages are sent every month. Yep, we live in a textually active culture. "Text me" is replacing "call me" for today's singles. Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz are known as "The Digital Dear Abby's' of the 21st Century." They've dated BC and AC (before cell phone and after cell phone) and have learned how to effectively incorporate texting into their traditional dating arsenal. They share their advice in Flirtexting: How to Win Your Way to His Heart.
 
Over the phone - ironically -- from their home in NYC, the authors shared some of their textpertise.

MMB: How can texting be used more effectively when it comes to dating?

Olivia: It's a great way to connect when we can't have phone conversation because we're too busy, for example. It's a convenient way to flirt with someone and feel out whether they're interested.

Debra: After a date, it's a good idea to send a post-date courtesy thank you text, whether you've had a good time or not. Not every date warrants a follow up phone call but a courtesy text is a nice in between no follow up at all and a full-fledge phone call.

It's especially effective in the early stages of dating someone. For a guy who might be shy to call, a text is a less intimidating way to feel out if a girl is interested. Once he establishes that and decided he really likes her, he can follow up with a phone call.

MMB: What are some of the most common texting faux pas?

O: Overtexting, like texting every ingredient that came in your salad to your crush. Or people go over the allotted 160 characters per text and send three full message screens as one text. At that point, just pick up the phone.

Overusing abbreviations, exclamation points and smiley faces, is another common problem. There's a cut-off age for that kind of stuff and it's best to keep it to a minimum when flirting early on.

Then there are the completely inappropriate uses like saying your first "I love you" to someone via text or breaking up with someone with a text message.

TUI, as in, "texting under the influence" is another common misuse. Any text that's sent when drunk or hormonally unstable, basically any text you wouldn't send under normal circumstances, should be avoided,

D: If you're someone who's prone to TUI, being aware of it is the first step. If the urge hits you, get your friends to take your phone away, or appoint a stand-in to send the texts too instead. Olivia and I call each other our sponsor. If we ever have the TUI urge, we send the text we want to send to each other instead, and the other person responds with all the reasons why it's a bad idea to send it to a date.

MMB: Some would say texting is a way of avoiding dealing with people face-to-face. Do you agree?

D: Actually, I think the opposite. I think it allows people to take more risks. Texting opens up the field for people to talk to and date more people than they would normally because if you get someone's number, you're more likely to text them than call them because it's less intimidating and less of a commitment right off the bat.

And throughout the beginning stages of dating, you're able to get a feeling about someone, whether they're a constant texter, whether they make you smile. We're not saying that if their texts don't do that, you should write them off, but the way you text is reflective of your personality and it an tell you a lot about a person early on.

O: I do agree that young people who've never dated before texting can overuse it because they don't understand the balance, [they'd be the ones out to dinner with their family with their heads down texting the entire time]. If you've never had wait at home for a guy to call, you need some guidance on how to handle dating in a technology driven world. We're teaching people that texting is a supplement and that not every communication should be done over text. At some point we have to deal with each other face-to-face.

Go to Flirtexting.com for advice or to ask the authors all your texting questions.