That's right, even sex is suffering cutbacks in today's economy.
London, Ontario, relationship counselor Beryl Chernick says that half her clientele are people who have lost their jobs, can't get one or don't know if they'll have a job in the future.
'They come to me complaining that lack of arousal and desire is a big problem in their relationship, but with a little digging I discover their life is filled with financial uncertainty,' says Chernick. 'That kind of mental stress generates neuro-hormones that actually turn off desire, but most people don't make the connection.'
Studies have shown that stress affects the nervous system, and in men this can slow testosterone production and lead to erection problems. In women, fatigue has been linked to lack of desire, lack of orgasm and painful intercourse.
How we deal with stress often compounds the problem. Men tend to clam up when they get stressed, while women can't shut up about their misery. This dynamic in a relationship often creates more tension; the kind that leads to those really fun, rational arguments -- like who last emptied the lint trap in the dryer -- when you're both exhausted and way stressed.
The problem is that sex doesn't pay the bills, so it tends to go to the bottom of the priority list; the thing we do after everything else gets done. And then we're usually too exhausted.
Stress also tends to make you self-centred, which sucks in a relationship because you start taking each other for granted. When your mind's crammed with important crap like what other possible meanings your boss's 'You're fired' remark could have, remembering how much you love your partner's toes tends to get forgotten.
And if the stress is really getting to you, keep in mind that one of the many causes of stress is not enough sex. You might be due for some relief.
In honour of Stress Awareness Month, HeartMath, a stress solutions company, is offering a free eBook to help stress-proof your relationship. Get your copy here.
Here are some tips from the book:
Carve out time for each other. Set a few minutes each evening to connect with your partner. Share about how your day went. Share your concerns and fears related to work, finances, etc. The act of sharing with someone who cares about you helps to revitalize feelings of being connected.
Be a good listener. When your partner is talking, practice listening without interruption. Listening from a place of genuine care, even if the issues aren't resolved yet, can provide tremendous release.
Show appreciation. Take a few quiet moments before bed to focus on something about your partner, or something they did, that you really appreciate. Feelings of appreciation have been shown to create more heart rhythm coherence. It's also beneficial for the immune system. Keeping an appreciation journal is also a great practice.
Start the day off right. During breakfast share with your partner what it was that your really appreciated about him or something that he did that left you feeling cared for. You and your partner will both benefit as you engage in feelings of appreciation at the start of your day.
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