Nice guys

31. Posted by cris on Fri, Nov 30, 2007

who wouldn't want a good guy.i would.i've dated men who have some kind of an edge to them and that edge turn into a jerk.i would love to meet a man who respects me and spoil me to death.but so far i haven't met one yet.theres not that many good guys out there anymore.most of them are tainted and turn into a bad boys.mean while there are women out here who still looks for the good quality in men.

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32. Posted by Flowers'... on Fri, Nov 30, 2007

I agree with Josie 300%. I like nice guys but not guys that don't seem to have any life of there own. There is no differences to bounce things off of. The guy would be a good friend but there has to be something more for physical attraction to develop. And think about it guys are you turned on by a woman that lives for you and has no opinion of her own but sways and swoons to every one of your ideas. The term I speak of is NEEDY. Man or Woman it is not a pretty sight and that my friend is what the woman or man is all about. It doesn't turn me on when a guy is so grateful for a date that is needy. Woman are the same. Think about it you know I am right.

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33. Posted by Katu on Fri, Nov 30, 2007

All I seem to attract is nice guys... which is funny, because I'm not a nice girl. The thing it, it's true that it's harder to feel "a spark" with these guys, because when you meet them their personality isn't really there. It's too... "how-can-I-please-you?" Maybe when I'm ready to get married, that will be a good thing. For the dating pool? No way. And that's another think to keep in mind. Girls date the bad boys, but generally want to marry the nice ones. (I think there's a similar situation for guys? Date the wild slutty one, marry the nice pretty one?)

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34. Posted by jim chisolm on Fri, Nov 30, 2007

I think it has little to do with a bad boy attitude per se. It's just physical basically. Guys that look good/sexy know it, and have pick, therefore they display indifference and self centredness much more than guys who don't look as good, because they can afford to...I'm speaking in general here...It's a vicious cycle for the not so good looking guys, they would do good to cull back a bit on the niceties, only to not seem desperate, but chemistry is chemistry, nice or not, I don't care what guys like de anglo say. I'm a good looking guy and I was just mostly a charming jerk for all my 20s and 30s, never had any problems getting a girl, I was good looking and it was just a given for me...life, that's how it works...woman DO go for looks, and when they've been around a bit too, ALSO personality, most want it all....just like us men.

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35. Posted by First L on Wed, Dec 12, 2007

Dear Daters Anonymous, Leonard Cohen wrote “Love is the engine of survival.” We know that everyone’s definition of “love” is different. This occurs for many reasons including diverse personal and family experiences. The love problem as I see it is that many men and women cannot distinguish the difference between “hormonal” or “physical responses” to someone that they are attracted to and “an adult version of love.” When a man and woman are physically attracted to each other and over time; build a solid friendship built on mutual interests, trust, and respect, and then one of them says, “but I don’t love you” then you have a problem. There are many reasons why this occurs, such as psychological problems, poor understanding and expectations of what is a healthy relationship, or the belief that it is worth sacrificing a “great foundation” for an even stronger physical attraction. Unfortunately, some of these men or women will find that even these initial “floaty” or “dreamy” feelings become reduced over time. Often the person ends the relationship to move on to another and to repeat this pattern again.

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36. Posted by Christ1969 on Sun, Dec 23, 2007

Depends on the stage in life a woman is I guess. Bad boys are fun in bed but they're not very good life partners. Why do you think those relationships always fail? The girl loves the bad boy and then she does the stereotypical thing: "She tries to change him." and we all know that usually doesn't work. It's harder for the bad boy to become good than it is for the nice guy to be naughty when needed. I'm a nice guy but I'm an animal in bed. That's my "bad boy" that's usually bottled up who gets the chance to get out and play. hehehe! Oh and "Nice guy" and "wimp" are 2 different things. Don't confuse the two.

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37. Posted by Christ1969 on Wed, Jan 16, 2008

OMG... I WAS SO WRONG! Josey, sorry about my previous messages. I just dumped my latest GF because she neglected me. But then I discovered why. She simply became uninterested. Why? Because I'm a nice guy. But here's the weird thing: Single me is the opposite of relationship me. Single me is a bit arrogant and a bad boy. I think that's what draw my last GF to me anyway. But then I read this part of your article: "But see, but this is the problem with a lot of nice guys. They're too nice. They're so worried about what we think, their own personalities disappear in the process." You are so right Josey. That's exactly what happened to me. That's why she became uninterrested. That's why I had to dump her. But now that I'm single again, wow! My old personality has come back. And I love it! I've got 3 girls interested in me. I'm linning up dates to meet them. The only thing I'm worried about is that Mr. Nice guy showing his ugly head if I do hook up with one (call her my GF). Women.... this is why us guys don't like to commit! I know I sure don't want to. Anything to avoid that wimp inside me. I burried him and I want him to stay there. Commitement = nice guy coming up... then forget it!

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38. Posted by Christ1969 on Wed, Jan 16, 2008

#55 Katu is so right. That's exactly how I was in the relationship. #56 Jim is so wrong. WOMEN DON'T GO FOR LOOKS! Get that out of your head. How many times have you seen a beautiful woman with an ungly man and asked yourself: "What does she see in that guy?" Well... that's just it: We men go for looks first. If she looks hot we're attracted to them. Then we look at the personality. If it's good, we want to marry them. If not, we'll sleep with them and then move on to the next one. women work the other way around. They look at a man's personality first. The man has to be assertive, confident, secure with himself, know what he wants and of course... a healthy sense of humor. And the stronger the man's personality, the uglier he can be and still get the really hot women. So when you ask "What does she see in him?", well... it's the personality that you just can't see because us guys are visual first, communication second. Remember: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It's really that simple.

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39. Posted by Christ1969 on Wed, Jan 16, 2008

One last thing about nice guys vs. bad boy. Don't be a nice guy but don't be an total prick either. I learned this the hard way. Don't ask the woman "What can I do to help around the house?". Don't just sit your butt in front of the T.V. with a beer and not lift a finger either. Do shut up and just do something and move on. Example: "The garbage needs to be taken out." Just do it! Don't ask your woman "Should I take out the garbage?", don't avoid taking out the garbage and parking your butt on the sofa, just pick up the garbage, shut the F up, put it outside and then move on to something else. And don't go fishing for compliments either. Your lady will appreciate it in her own way and she'll show it to you when she's ready to do so. So you don't want to be a nice guy, but you don't have to be a total prick either. Find the middle ground. Take on those attractive bad boy qualities, do a few nice things for your woman but please.... lose the insecure doormat personality and you don't have to be a total [profane] to make it happen. Women may say they want a nice guy but trust me, having been one... that's not what they want at all! They want the strong man who isn't a total jerk. We men see the world as black and white, that's why we misinterpret women because it's all gray in their world. They may say they want something, but they really don't know what they want. Which is why they like men who do know what they want in life. Because it brings them the security that they lack. Even strong women have tons of insecurity. Just look at Hilary Clinton. Very strong woman in politics yet she'll burst into tears in public. See? That's the insecure feminine trait that all women have. No matter how strong they s

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40. Posted by garkenhermiz on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

bad boys bad girls thats all they are a nice women wants a nice women a women with no brains will go for a bad boy because she has no brain this is normal not all of us got brains that work.

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41. Posted by garkenhermiz on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

im am a horny bad boy where did you say these ladies were?

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42. Posted by Max on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

I think guys that keep enough distance and have their own side of life is the best. There should be enough distance between the two parties to attract each other. I think we need the attraction, not the process of stucking together. In order to be together, people do all kinds of crazy things. but I think it is the time that two people are not together makes the togetherness so special. So spot spending time with someone, start attract that special someone.

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43. Posted by greendragon@... on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

must be written by a woman, just further confirms women don't know what they really want most times either

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44. Posted by Heather on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

I totally disagree. I grew up with an abusive jerk for a step father. I find nothing s.exier than a gentleman. This whole wrong idea that people have about all women wanting a bad boy has got to be ditched. It is NOT true. There are tons of us out there who adore a true gentleman who is respectful towards himself and others. This myth is right up there with blondes being dumb and easy! Time to end it for good! tks

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45. Posted by cheapresourcefulfun on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

nice guys MATURE into something nice! All my past relationships, ended because... the nice guy i am.. .the woman i dated... walked all over me. Predictable, YES i was... but now... i take care of myself... and put myself first! I know what i can offer... and only offer it... SLOWLY... and not so easily... and now... i get LAID! WOW... it took this long to figure it out! Now... i am still that nice guy... and only do i carefully reveal my screts. I think they call this confidence (too?) anyways... too bad for those who lost me... it is always too late... when they realized what a good thing they had! ALWAYS/ Good luck...!! all the nice guys out there!

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46. Posted by cheapresourcefulfun on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

nice guys MATURE into something nice! All my past relationships, ended because... the nice guy i am.. .the woman i dated... walked all over me. Predictable, YES i was... but now... i take care of myself... and put myself first! I know what i can offer... and only offer it... SLOWLY... and not so easily... and now... i get LAID! WOW... it took this long to figure it out! Now... i am still that nice guy... and only do i carefully reveal my screts. I think they call this confidence (too?) anyways... too bad for those who lost me... it is always too late... when they realized what a good thing they had! ALWAYS/ Good luck...!! all the nice guys out there!

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47. Posted by Patrick L on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

Hey trendz, do you know how to do anything aside from generalize? Get a brain instead of an ego. If women choose "bad guys" over "nice guys" then that is as much the women's problem as it is the men's. I am perfectly willing to be the best person I can be; I am not going to bend over backwards to please someone (though I may once have been willing) whatever their notions of what they think is "wrong with me". I am willing to listen to what they say but I have the right to choose whether or not their feedback is valid for me. Women, ask yourselves these questions: "Why do I like him? Does he "turn me on" or do I feel "turned on" by him? Do I feel good about myself when with him?" Remember, a relationship is not just about you but also the other person and how you relate to one another. I've met women who basically wanted a guy for his image or his strength, he was powerful, had more money etc. Evaluate why you want to be with a person otherwise you may get stuck with a jerk rather than someone who respects you for yourself. If you like a hog-riding ego maniac with tattoos up his wazzoo, fine! Just don't expect him to treat you as you want to be treated and get ready for the possibility that he may simply use you as his "pet".

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48. Posted by byteme3333 on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

The same women also complain that every guy they date turns out to be a jerk. By the time they start to clue in, the 'nice guys' are all gone. That is when they start to turn into bitter old maids. So many women claim they want a relationship with someone who doesn't play games. Maybe they should start looking in the mirror. WAKE UP LADIES!!! I have already discussed this topic with men and women alike. So far we have all agreed. The best advice I can give to women who are dating today is to think twice before dating the bad boy(that is what they are, boys) and give a nice man a try. If you open your eyes, you might actually start to see what a REAL man is all about.

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49. Posted by on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

Now look at this article making nice guys into manipulators. No so, I have met some good and nice men and they are not what this article states. For you information, I refuse to react to Crap like this. As for manipulation, it is unconscious people. I hear dumb broads go around stating they are being used, that tells me they are full a Crap, it's a lot of ballony, it is simply childish behavior. These woman don't understand what it is to be in control of themselves. They look at the outside and blame, yeah that is manipulation. Get Lost Ladies!

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50. Posted by Bubba the Dumb Asss American on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

Whatever. Stop trying to explain life and just live it.

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51. Posted by BCResident on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

Nice to blame it on the man, I guess. How about that a nice guy is willing to sacrifice himself - what you call being a doormat - because he appreciates a woman for who she is. He is comfortable enough to expose himself to her, figuratively, and strong enough to put her needs in front of his. Women, the day no man is willing to sacrifice himself for you is the day you realize, too late mind you, that you were idiots for not cherishing the fact that a man worshipped your womanly qualities. Women need to be taken care of (I do not mean monetarily, although I would not feel like a man if I couldn't financially take care of my wife) and should be GRATEFULL that a nice guy is willing to do that.

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52. Posted by niceandstillsingle on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

i'm in my early 30's and would consider myself a nice guy. I don't consider myself super good looking at all. I would say i'm average, but my female friends think i'm hot. So does that make me unapproachable because when i go out, i NEVER get approaced by nice girls or bad girls. I think all guys have the potential for being nice guys. I'm fit, have some tattoos, play in a band, but i'm at the stage where i would love to meet a nice gal who wants to settle down and start a family. Sound like a nice guy? Should i be fake and act like all those other meatheads who treat women like garbage, just to meet a nice gal? I don't feel sorry for any women who end up with these A$#holes because they put themselves in that situation, let it happen, and when they walk in on there b/f who's sleeping with her best friend she complains about it......So for all those REAL women out there who actually WANT to be treated with respect and have self respect themselves, there are lots of nice guys out there, it's up to you whether or not your mature enough to realize it

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53. Posted by Ron Jeremy on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

Lots of good comments here. It's nice to see much of the younger crowd has not been totally brainwashed. Women... you have been lied to by decades of so-called "feminism" and media bulls**t (umm, fasion TV, Oprah, CNN and others comes to my mind). That's why guys just f**k you and toss you away. You think you are empowered by your sexual liberation. Yeah, right. That lasts until you start getting wrinkles on your face and cellulite on your butt and thighs. Ho humm... so much for being the hot chick who screws all the hot tough guys who are now in prison or serving fries. Now you're 30 years old (or even younger) and you've literally f**ked your youth away at the same time you've been tossed away by every male you've ever met. You are an old, bitter, feminist hag by age 30 and you are still applying makeup to your face like it will make you 20 again so you can go out and get laid by some you buck who no doubt toss you aside again in your middle age. But there's no reason to keep putting on the "war paint" because you are done... toast... and your only hope is to marry a nice guy that won't throw you away like all the bad boys and f**k buddies did. A nice guy that actually understands why you did what you did in your youth. Okay... that's my rant. I really need to get laid now. Anyone know a nice 45 year old WOMAN I can call who is mature?

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54. Posted by Linda on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

Bad guys have nothing to lose so that they are normally brave and bold and dare to ask what they may not deserve, and they lie and cheat too; nice guys are too nice to ask a woman for a date and sometimes it takes more time to get to know a nice guy as he does not cheat in the way a bad guy would do. The outcome is, it is easy for a bad guy to get a gal but hard to keep her; while the nice guy will always get a good one. .

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55. Posted by Jeremy E on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

i'm a nice guy and have banged alot of girls. but if being a nice guy is something girls get sick of. what if you a bad boy and you acted like Charles Manson would a woman find that sexy

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56. Posted by Omes on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

I wouldnt listen to anything a woman writes before reading a very enlightning article called "Sexual Utopia in Power" by F Roger Devlin. Its not so much that they are airheaded, as that they analyze incorrectly due to some evolutionary blind spots. Get it here - http://public.box.net/mensarefugee26388

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57. Posted by on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

Stating a man is self-centred in the negative sense is childish, woman who focus on nit-picking men are childish. Many of those around even at 60. It goes for men also. A mature woman won't even nit-pick nor criticise, it is childish and she knows. She is able to express what she wants or needs without expectations. She knows the other party is free to make his choices. Have you learnt anything Babyfaces?

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58. Posted by MickyMouse on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

Well, I personally have been on both sides of the fence and it is disturbing to report that the "bad boy" attitude is far superior to the good boy one. I don't like it myself, but being a good guy DOES land you in the "friend circle". I don't mind being there one bit, in fact I make a point to keep a very large portion of friends seeing the good guy side, but come Friday, Saturday night,it is time to have some fun. Now I am not the brawling slobbering fool that most people think of as the "bad boy". What I mean by bad boy is that you stop carrying the purses and holding the doors, and you start taking those risks and making those comments that are on the edge. The ones that the good guys aren't even thinking. It is the indifferent, somewhat cocky attitude that pulls women in like crazy. The person that I would never dream of being Monday to Thursday comes out to play on the weekend and does very well for himself. I don't understand it, but I do know that it works. Sorry to the nice guys, but they really do finish last. A simple fact of life proven every weekend all over the world

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59. Posted by Air on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

you know,im currently in a relationship with an immature,half responsible,self centered "bad boy" and we have 2 little kids together. Its friggin hell.and its currently ending..painfully.7 years. I think back to all the nice guys I have known and after this experience...they hold NO appeal whatsoever.All you need is to get the full dose before you swear off forever.i think it was charm that got be hooked good in the beginning.a lot of bad boys are very charming...my two cents

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60. Posted by itchyfingers2004 on Thu, Sep 04, 2008

I seem to be seeing a pattern here.Everyone seems to be regarding "bad" boys simply as confident men with self esteem.That shows that women are deluding themselves and alot of guys egos need to be toned down. I am not a door mat.I am confident and yet still find it possible to be a nice guy.The women I meet are not chasing self confident successful men,they are chasing the arrogant and the abusive. I once thought that I was one of the lucky ones.I had found my true love.Now she is with a guy who is verbally and mentally abusive(I pray everyday that it doesn't extend to physical abuse.If it ever did I know that I'd wind up doing some serious jail time after I killed the guy.) I was not a pushover.When decisions had to be made we discussed them and came to a mutually agreeable compromise.We had what I thought was a mature,loving,and fun relationship. Unfortunately mature,loving and fun do not always mean exciting.Twenty minutes after giving her flowers on the one year anniversary of our first meeting she told me I was the kindest and most intelligent person she had ever met but she needed more. The guy she is with now is an alcoholic,he is a control freak,and as stated previously cruelly abusive. The generalizations I've seen in this story and the posts can not account for how a heart can be broken.Women who go for the bad boy do so because there is something inately wrong with their personalities. If you are a man who thinks he's a bad boy because you're cool,have a tat,and always get your way don't fool yourself.You aren't a bad boy,you just haven't finished puberty yet.

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