Given the fact that I've never been the marrying kind, I was equally surprised when my husband and I decided to get hitched three years ago. After all, it's just a piece of paper. And why do you need to be married to have your relationship taken seriously? Besides, given almost half of marriages end in divorce these days, who did we think we were kidding?
So why did we do it? Because, was about the best I could come up with. Not good enough for one very analytical, once-divorced dear friend of mine. 'No, but really, why?' she insisted. I racked my brain to come up with an adequately intellectual answer.
Because it feels right. Because the relationship is easy. Because I found a killer dress.
She was less than satisfied, but she backed off. 'You look happy,' she said.
But while I could handle and mostly understand the reactions of my friends and family, I was more boggled by strangers' reaction to the news. I got a kick out of telling people I'd just met that I was getting married, not because the news should be of any interest to them, but exactly because, for some reason, it was.
'Oh my God! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!' they'd shout with such glee.
I'd think, heck, I could be marrying the biggest jerk in the world -- a wife beater with a fondness for tripping old ladies on the street, this person had no idea if my marrying was a good decision or not. But it's as if marriage suddenly makes your life a public success. Whew, you made it girl! It was disturbing.
When I was telling the woman who helped plan our wedding this and questioning the whole idea of spending the down payment on a house or the price of a trip around the world on a one-day celebration, she said: 'There's still the attitude that this is forever. It's something that's always been there, that's steady, that's a rock. And even though we know the divorce statistics, for one day it let's us believe in fantasy land and in love and tradition.'
Never having had the white-dress fantasy (I didn't wear white), I still wasn't sure. Still, it felt right somehow. And we threw a wicked party where we knew every guest and actually wanted every single one of them there. That alone felt great. And once we were married, I felt surprisingly different. He said the same. It was a subtle change that wasn't about being married per se, but being married to him, I think. And knowing that we were officially in this together.
What do you think? Do you believe in marriage?
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