My Messy Bedroom

Age Appropriate?

Posted Tue, May 06, 2008
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My biggest age difference in a relationship was with a guy who was 43 when I was, like, 21. He was an alcoholic who couldn't get it up so you could see the appeal.

'Why limit yourself?' is the mantra of one of my girlfriends when it comes to age and dating. 'As long as their voice has changed, they're fair game.'

And really, in these days of '50 is the new 19,' nobody looks or acts their age anymore anyway.

'I have always felt this question [of how old do you feel] to be categorically insulting,' a 'younger, middle-agish' friend tells me. 'Um, I don't pick my nose in public anymore and I can represent myself well in an argument but I don't use blue rinse or wear support hose as yet either.'

And, according to marketing folk, psychographics (how old you feel) are often more important than demographics (how old you are). So, for example, you may be pushin' 90, but if you feel 30, you'd be considered part of the 18-34 psychographic.

Which is useful when it comes to selling people stuff, but imagine what the same principal could do for your dating options. It might seem inappropriate for a 40-year-old to date a 20-year-old but if the 40-year-old is only 30 psychographically and the 20-year-old is 25 psychographically, age-wise, they just might be a perfect match.

Of course, people don't need clever marketing formulas to justify their dating choices when it comes to age. Most of us make up our own.

'As long as it's not ?dad' territory,' a lovely, young actress friend tells me of her age-limit criteria.

Family members seem to be a popular gauge on both ends of the scale: 'They have to be older than my younger brother,' another woman tells me.
Of course, it also depends on whether you're planning on doing more than sleeping with the person.  'I mean, is it just sex or am I going to have to have breakfast with the guy and attempt conversation?' a young woman in her 30s asks.

But, our middle-agish woman also had a problem with this distinction. 'Sleeping with people is a type of relationship, isn't it?'

 'I just can't see myself hooking up with someone half my age when I'm 40,' said one of several male friends, contradicting the stereotype that all men want younger women as they approach middle age. 'You need that compatible life experience.'

Having said that, however, as a friend in Vancouver so aptly put it, 'It is still a great ego boost when a guy ten years younger than you makes it quite apparent that he's got it bad for you!'

Which begs a whole new marketing term.

Yes, boss, I've got the latest would-you-do-me-graphics right here.

What's your age-difference limit? Ever date anyone much younger? Much older? How did things work out?

Average (11 Ratings)3 out of 5 stars

13 Comments

  • 1. Posted by ziggy on Tue, May 06, 2008

    Age is just a number. I am 60 and still feels like 25 or 30. I still have 6 packs on me and can still out run my 28 yrs old son who is quite atheletic.

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  • 2. Posted by ziggy on Tue, May 06, 2008

    By the way I am dating a 31 yrs old lady who is quite well off and who is proud to be with me. We have been together for a year and no problems so far. May be later down the road when the physical appearance is gone or if I start using a cane to walk. LOL.

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  • 3. Posted by Rachel on Tue, May 06, 2008

    I am 23 and I've been dating a man who just turned 39 for a year now. He really looks young, when we met I thought he was 26... Of course it's different from what I've experienced with younger men but as suprising as it is, this relationship makes the both of us grow. Anyways, so far, so good...

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  • 4. Posted by sbssrc on Tue, May 13, 2008

    I fell in love with a woman 18 years younger than I was, when I was in my late 30's - she was 18 when we met and 20 by the time I realized what an wonderful, funny, smart woman she is. We "fooled around" but did not become lovers. The age gap didn't bother her as much as it did me - but convention and my lack of faith in how it would turn out in the future turned the relationship into friendship. She is now 29 married has 1 child and is expecting another, I am also married, and intend to remain so - but we both agree not allowing ourselves to fall in love because of the age difference was a mistake. Our insight is - That if the person you are with makes you smile just by walking into the room, make them your partner regardless for race, creed, or age.

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  • 5. Posted by frankieferrier on Thu, May 22, 2008

    How about the other way around? I have a crush on a 22-year old man and I'm 43. I know, I know, I'm old enough to be his mother but we just clicked the first time we met. We had a wonderful time together and had lots of things to talk about. He's pretty mature for his age. We're not into anything serious yet, but I'd sure like to. Is this inappropriate?

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  • 6. Posted by erin h on Fri, May 23, 2008

    frankieferrier my opinion may not mean anything to anyone but i dont think that you likeing this guy is inappropriate at all. I have a similar relationship reversed I am 23, a medical student, and I am dating a 40 year old buisiness man. We have many things in common and we very much enjoy each others company. We have shown each other things that the other has learned in our opposite walks of life. And I know, suprising, that I, of all people, would know anything at 23 but that comes with the job I chose to pursue, Paramedic and Dr- to- be. And yes I am defending myself. So I dont find anything wrong with making yourself happy by trying something out with someone that makes you smile. I liked what sbssrc said, That if the person you are with makes you smile just by walking in the room, than by all means pursue them. Maybe it will be fate as long as those feelings are mutual.

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  • 7. Posted by oldmaninhisu... on Sat, May 24, 2008

    I'm 56 now but when I was 17 my first sexual experience was with a 44 yr old woman (who is now 83!!! or dead..) ... man, was she hot! I was turned inside out and left out to dry with her.. she taught me things I had no idea... it was wonderful. Age will not make a difference if there is an attraction.. forget it and enjoy your lives. Nowadays, if I hook up with a much younger woman (yes, it happens without paying them!:P) ..I see it not so much as me robbing the cradle but more like her robbing the grave....

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  • 8. Posted by Charles D on Tue, May 27, 2008

    Im 57 my girlfriend is 34. She was wrned . Im old . She doesnt care. Im not rich or particulairily handsome. Im just a riot to have around. I make women feel safe and I pamper her 24/7.

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  • 9. Posted by wesayhi on Sat, Jul 19, 2008

    Be happy and don't worry about what other people say. They don't know and understand what is means to have found a true soul mate.

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  • 10. Posted by rgisgreat on Wed, May 28, 2008

    I am young and have several young friends that have the cradle-robber/grave-robber type of relationship going on and I've noticed that those relationship ALWAYS last longer than the relationships with 2 young people. I think that as long as you care about your partner that's all that should matter, not how other people feel about, because it really isn't any of their business what makes you happy in your own bedroom is it?

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  • 11. Posted by borderbabe1253 on Wed, May 28, 2008

    OK, lets turn the tables here. The older woman is hit on time and time again by the younger men. Why? I have been on a dating site for about 6 months now and made my profile to the point to leave no room for error. I address my desire for a mate to be close to my own ideals. The guys don't care what you want, it is what they want. They look at your picture and think you are fair game. Being in my 50's I would not even consider dating a man any younger than a few years. The 19 year olds are only looking for a lay and think the older woman is vulnerable. News Flash.....some are...most aren't. So who is at fault here, the younger or the older person???

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  • 12. Posted by veronica.hdez on Sat, May 31, 2008

    The age doesn't matter...a 20 year guy can have the brain and the personnality of a 35 year old man...

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  • 13. Posted by sprkie on Sun, Jun 01, 2008

    I think there is a problem with this logic. I feel my age, I'm proud of my fitness, while still being realistic about it. I feel strongly that the healthiest attitude is acceptance, NOT denial. There is value in age, as well as youth.

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