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On the rebound

Posted Wed, Apr 30, 2008
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I honestly think the government should pass legislation that forces people who are newly single to wear a sign on our foreheads that reads: "I'm on the rebound." Much like those nasty surgeon general warnings on cigarette packs. It's only responsible to inform the public of the potential risks involved. We all know that rebounders are hazardous to our health. That's because a rebounder isn't looking for love, a rebounder is looking for pain relief, validation and something to stave off the horrible fear that they will die bitter and alone.

Getting involved with a rebounder is a proceed-at-your-own-risk venture, but it's only fair that those on the rebound respect some rebound relationship rules. As a responsible rebounder, you should:

- Avoid packing all your baggage from the last relationship and dumping it on the doorstep of the first person that takes pity on you -- I mean, agrees to go out with you.

- Do not drag replacement material -- ahem, new people -- into unresolved drama with your ex. The new guy should not be subject to jealous rages and flying chairs if you happen to run into the ex on the street.

- Limit sexual activity to flirting and crushes for the first few months. As long as no one gets naked, there is less risk of anyone getting hurt. Flirting gives you that superficial I've-still-got-it confidence that helps you get over an ex, and no one has to dodge flying chairs.

Obviously, some of us bounce back quicker than others. And some of us really are ready to move on soon after a newly ended relationship. But to find out if your new date is a little too fresh to be on the market, I'd watch for these signs and consider leaving him or her on the shelf:

- You meet the person's friends and every one tells you how much you look like his or her ex.

- He or she starts every sentence with, "Oh, I'm sorry, but this just reminds me of the time me and [the ex]...."

-  You go to your date's house for the first time and notice a 15X17 glossy of their ex...above their bed!

- When your new date suggests you meet her at their favourite drinking hole and spends the entire time glancing over your shoulder at the door until, big surprise, her ex walks in. Further proof this person is in full rebound is that he or she suddenly acts all into you -- a sure sign that he or she is trying to prove to the ex how absolutely fabulously happy they are and are using you as a prop. This would be your cue to exit the stage.

17 Comments

  • 1. Posted by dhillon41@rogers.com on Mon, May 05, 2008

    So true!

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  • 2. Posted by thedandrews@rogers.com on Mon, May 05, 2008

    I hooked up with my husband while on the rebound

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  • 3. Posted by missybear@rogers.com on Mon, May 05, 2008

    As a rebounder this is true. My boyfriend left me for another woman, so the last thing I want to do on my date is talk about that jerk. It should be all about you and the guy/girl you are with, not your ex.

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  • 4. Posted by LABELLAFRANC... on Tue, May 06, 2008

    There is nothing right or wrong about a rebound, if someone has a problem with it, it's theirs. People are free to talk about who they want, and if I am with a guy I'll talk freely otherwise good bye. Life is short, enjoy it...screw dating rules...they are like going to the washroom, you take them and flush them down the toilet. Ya, what a go girl!!!

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  • 5. Posted by Anandi CW on Tue, May 06, 2008

    It must be nice that so many people are confident in their relationships or happily single. This article is light, but it gets to the point quickly...if you are looking for a rebound relationship - don't. Look for another relationship when you've worked out the crap with the first person and you have truly moved on. You will thank yourself for it.

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  • 6. Posted by La Loba on Tue, May 06, 2008

    This is a cute article, and it makes perfect sense. It's simple.. but I will make another point. There are some people out there that that enjoy being the comforter of a broken heart...then there are those that prey on it.. I say if you can tell the difference between the two and have a little fun and comfort to help you get over a difficult period in your life do it..But warn the person before hand. Like I would just loke to keep this casual..I think after a break up some people 's self esteem gets a little bruised, so a casual fling helps. ( Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying go out have a onenight stand soon as you break up) Just go out have some fun don't hate the opposite or same sex if that is your preference. It doesn't have to be about sex, Besides anyone that has common sense will know not to fall in"lust" and know that "this is my bandaid..lol". and congrats on" theandrews" but not everyone is as lucky as you to have met your husband on the rebound.

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  • 7. Posted by ask and ye shall recieve on Tue, May 06, 2008

    everyone handles things differently.but healthy relationships come from being happy with who you are......I found rebounding doesnt solve the problem.i personally just end up with the smae sort of toxic unhealthy people...so this article illustrates that unless you are over the issues which caused the break up in the relationship...you will just fall into the same unhealthy trap......past behavior is the key to future behavior........

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  • 8. Posted by dogalyst on Tue, May 06, 2008

    In basketball, a rebound play can win the game. Oh, has this analogy already been used before?

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  • 9. Posted by acme602002 on Tue, May 06, 2008

    This is very interesting. Even though the article is kind of one-sided, I guess the rebounder acts the same as teens when they lost their puppy love.

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  • 10. Posted by blue demon k on Tue, May 06, 2008

    when you finished any relationship,even if you had failed in keeping this relationship alive,leave your trash behind you,take your time for healing,think about what was good or bad,in the way in your next relationship you will not do the same stupidity,hurting lying,will not help to find your soulmate,be honest,communicate,learn how to interact keep your hormones in control,take your time in knowing each other,search into your feeeling,see if you are compatible,if you are sports person try to find somebody similar to you otherwise later,you might no like what you see in the other person,if you dont smoke stay away form someone who does,dont do show and tell about exs,dont compare,dont express you hate about you ex with your new date or relationship,she or him might like you but when you star showing you hate you are out of there,thats why is call the healing process,time for healing,coming out fresh and ready,any mistake that you had done dont repeat it again,remember people have feeling,and they love that way you nurture that relationship,dress well,show your good manners,eating, talking,will be noticeable, dont swear that will show how you are when you do that,rebound you are going to be in the rebound if you are not honest what do you want in life,grow up be a man or be a woman,life is to short for wasting it with somebody who does not care about love my email ell4generationfies@hotmail.com

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  • 11. Posted by d_07 on Tue, May 06, 2008

    So true... I just broke up with my BF (my just i mean like 3 months ago now) and while I realize I am not ready, all of those thoughts have crossed my mind (with exception to throwing chairs, and glossy prints above my bed, or anywhere in my apartment) we've remained "amicable" (insert rolling eyes, and extreme fakeness on my part) now just write an article of how to actually let the ex "go" and faster ways to move on... but i do feel sorry for any guys who meet me right now... deleting facebook would be my best suggestion... this morning he posted pictures of him and this girl kissing... really???? going with a major douche bag move on his part.

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  • 12. Posted by ammmpppayokona on Tue, May 06, 2008

    ive been to a break up a few months ago, we have a lot of issues, before i broke up with him, i met someone, someone that i never thought i will fall in love with..then i broke up with my bf..i cant say its a rebound because im so head over heels to this person

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  • 13. Posted by edmondexpo on Tue, May 06, 2008

    four words: faithfulness, trustworthyness,honesty, respect to improve

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  • 14. Posted by Britt on Tue, May 06, 2008

    Interesting....I can see where for some people this may be true, however I met my current boyfriend immediately after my last boyfriend left me. We have been happily together for the better part of this year and are still going strong! If you really want to get over and ex....forget them when it is over and remember that they've pretty much already forgotten you and moved on. I nevr understood how people would let someone have that much control over their life and emotions. I can understand maybe a few weeks...a month at the VERY longest but Why would you ever put yourself through that?

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  • 15. Posted by kim f on Tue, May 06, 2008

    I am new out of a relationship (he already moved on-not surprisingly). I've never cheated on him or anything and I wonder how it would be to have a rebound... I'm a great girl with lots to offer! I'm not what the article describes... at least I don't think I am. I think I got the answer... I WOULD LOVE TO MEET A GOOD LOOKING CHRISTIAN MAN!!!

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  • 16. Posted by ken s on Tue, May 06, 2008

    It is simple, girl/guy...If you want to get over your ex, get over/under your next....Then move on...Oh and if you still feel like you have lotsa baggage....repeat..

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  • 17. Posted by dating_essentials_coaching on Tue, May 06, 2008

    Moving on is often difficult, and dating and building relationships can be, too. Knowing yourself and your needs, dealing with your issues, and screening people well are all keys to getting into healthy relationships. I'm a dating and relationship coach who helps people to attract and develop relationships with the right people. I help with everything from shyness and self-esteem to approaching, flirting, connecting, and managing the dating and relationship-building process. My approach is not superficial, and helps people to develop more confidence socially as well as serious relationships. For more information on my services, visit my site at www.datingessentials.com I offer a free consultation and would be happy to hear from you. Best wishes and happy dating, Kateryna Spiwak CUPID'S SISTER www.datingessentials.com

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