Flying solo

1. Posted by Kea on Tue, Jun 19, 2007

I'm 43 years old, divorced for 6 years after a "mediocre relationship" of 11 years. And while socially there is still much pressure to be part of a couple, I *love* that I don't have to cook and clean for anyone, that I can come and go as I please (no human children, just fur kids), that I no longer have to compromise who I am, my values, even what I want to do on my weekends. I don't date at all, am not even interested in playing the game. At my age, a relationship is just too much work/effort--life is too short to waste and I prefer to spend my time enjoying my hobbies.

Report Abuse

2. Posted by artsyguy1954 on Tue, Oct 16, 2007

I have been single (again) for 8 years after a 16 year marriage and I have never been happier. For the first time, I am sole owner of my house, checking account and remote control and it's great. I would never go back to being married. My married friends don't look that happy.

Report Abuse

3. Posted by advanceorret... on Tue, Oct 16, 2007

Today I was at a memorial service for the mother of a childhood friend. The woman being honoured was no push-over, in fact she was an independent thinker and her husband, a World War II veteran, was the same. What I witnessed was their eight children - all married, for at least 20 years, with familes. This was a great gift given to them by their parents. Evidently there was some balance toward partnering, integrity and family. When I read the sad experiences, believe me I have had them too, I wonder how we can all manifest the integrity for solid partnerships that his extended family exemplifies. Although I am sure their lives are not perfect, our happiness is a choice. I am hopeful that more singles healing from bumpy relationships will choose a life with a solid partnership.

Report Abuse

4. Posted by jaguarsc on Tue, Oct 16, 2007

I quite enjoy singledom. The occasional date/fling is fine but I really wouldn't like to be tied down after all my years of freedom.

Report Abuse

5. Posted by Kendra on Tue, Oct 16, 2007

while I realize it may not be for everyone, I personally think being single is the best thing ever. I've reached 25, never dated, always happy re that. life is fun, simple, and i can do what i want, when i want, how i want. cheers to another 60 years of freedom! :o)

Report Abuse

6. Posted by jktwolf on Tue, Oct 16, 2007

I've ben single for ten years after being married for the same amount of time, I wouldn't give up the single life again as life is so much better and no stress of a partner

Report Abuse

7. Posted by on Tue, Oct 16, 2007

I prefer no relationship to a bad relationship any day!

Report Abuse

8. Posted by Lisa A on Wed, Oct 17, 2007

I haven't had a lot of relationships in my life, but I know that I want that unconditional love and companionship from someone in my life....and not a pet either. I want to go through the ups and downs and have children.

Report Abuse

9. Posted by CatW on Sat, Oct 20, 2007

I'm 49 and never married...been there, done that with the relationship thing, and I'm REALLY glad I never took the plunge. Practically all of my close friends are on second marriages [and some of those aren't doing so well]. Who knew?

Report Abuse

10. Posted by steverino on Sat, Oct 20, 2007

It always amazes me how selfish the people in our culture have become. The concept of selfless seems to escape most people and as they say "there is no me in team". And a marriage is a team. that is why most of the marriages fail. Two selfish people will never make a workable marriage. So stay single and stay selfish!

Report Abuse

11. Posted by g p on Sat, Oct 20, 2007

saying that God is even single. I think God shouldn't be compared to anything else. Yes, that's right if you are selfish... stay single, you better off that way.

Report Abuse

12. Posted by quiltqtee on Sat, Oct 20, 2007

I was blissfully happy being married for 28 years...then the bubble burst and I discovered my marriage had been a lie. The man I had adored, sacrificed for, told me he had never loved me at all and was leaving. No...I no longer believe in the illusion of love. Single is a far better way to be. I dont ever want to live a lie again.

Report Abuse

13. Posted by ghostrider1225 on Sat, Oct 20, 2007

I love being single. It's not like the way things used to be. Now so many people live great lives. You can get everything you need in a marriage. You don't need a nagging person. Why do you have to complicate your life? Who said that you have to be a team. Everyone is selfish. That's the reason why people choose their mate, dress the way they do, have the friends they hangout with.

Report Abuse

14. Posted by tallblackchick on Sat, Oct 20, 2007

Still single after searching high and low for the right person. I'm finally beginning to enjoy the freedom that flying solo affords me. I find it curious how all the married people get so defensive about singlehood. Afterall, there are a lot of out there who aren't single by choice. I'm just enjoying life on my own terms.

Report Abuse

15. Posted by Zoe on Sat, Oct 20, 2007

I prefer no relationship to a bad relationship any day!

Report Abuse

16. Posted by Sharon G on Sat, Oct 20, 2007

I was in a marriage that was going no where. I stayed for 10 yrs. I finally realized that i would sooner be single and happy them married and miserable. I have been single for 9yrs. I have dated some but have yet to meet the right one. I want to remarry when the right comes along. In the mean time i am enjoying my singleness.

Report Abuse

17. Posted by Gob Bluth on Sat, Oct 20, 2007

Although I have never been married, my last relationship was one of almost 8 years. These are eight years I wouldn't change for anything. For the past year and a bit I have been single. I am now mentally and emotionally prepared to try comitting to woman again however, at 32 years old, I find that meeting that certain someone is as difficult as I have been lead to believe. I think that settling is never an option, unless you have to settle for being alone.

Report Abuse

18. Posted by Chris T on Sat, Oct 20, 2007

I've spent most of my life single and here's the reason why. In too many cases, if you love your partner they don't love you. If they love you, you don't love them. One person in the partnership is usually living a lie. Why? Fear of intimacy, fear of someone really mattering, fear of getting hurt, fear of being alone. It's a grand conspiracy game we all agree to play at one level or another. You don't believe me? Hang out online and have some heart to heart talks with the married guys who are cheating. It's an eye opener that will keep you single a looooooooong time!

Report Abuse

19. Posted by clio343 on Sat, Oct 20, 2007

I too am single and have been for 5 years after 16 years of marriage and 2 wonderful children. Like so many others, I would rather be single than in a bad or mediocre relationship. I wonder if its tougher having loved than not having ever loved, to be able to love again. I want to date and yet its more about being friends with the right person than dating. Its interesting that so many articles about single, focus on those who have been single and never married ... I like to see a few more about women like me -- in their 40's and tyring again as singles ... I did enjoy your words though!

Report Abuse

20. Posted by slidinghollyrox on Sat, Oct 20, 2007

Better to be single and alone than married and lonely. I can't wait to be single.

Report Abuse

21. Posted by tagravel on Sun, Oct 21, 2007

I was married almost 10 years and had 3 kids, things went sour, I enjoyed being single and went through a series of "dating" and open relationships while maintaining my independance, but I have to admit that now I am engaged to someone who has been my best friend for years and we are making a go of it, single is great, married is great if you find the right person. Why do we have to chose to make others happy? Why not just be able to enjoy both?

Report Abuse

22. Posted by To Be Announced on Sat, Nov 17, 2007

I have been single for a loooong time, some days it feels like too long but other days I can't help but feel fulfilled that I don't have to answer to anyone. I must add that when I say single, I mean totally devoid of intimacy. It can be tough to cope sometimes but until the eyes, mind, heart and soul that I am looking for lands in my lap, then I will be content to maintain my mistrust of females in general. It is apperent that none can truly be trusted anyway so why in the world would I bother to try? The way I figure it, 60 to 70 percent of women will admit to cheating and the other 30 to 40 percent simply LIE!

Report Abuse

23. Posted by free_2respect@rogers.com on Tue, Feb 12, 2008

I was married for 12 years - there was alot of ups and downs but I am very relieved the marriage ended. Been single for almost 4 years, dated a few nice guys but its hard to bring someone in my life again. I dont think I am ready for a committed relationship. Its not the reason of being selfish either. I dont mistrust anyone even though my ex cheated for several years but I do think cheating is a weakness that people cant control and they need professional help. Not because someone hurt your feelings and trust that give you the right to take it out on someone else - maybe that person was also hurt in his/her previous relationship(s). Things happen but if we be open minded and welcoming to other people we meet in our lives, then there is a possibility to find the person we do need in our life and not someone to just be there because we want to be counted. For now I will just enjoy being single and selfless. I remember the words of a great man "To become selfless you have to be selfish but never remain in that state of selfishness because it can be very negative."

Report Abuse

24. Posted by Lady Jaguar on Thu, Aug 07, 2008

I have one statement for all those who find themselves having one bad relationship after another...'If you can't swim stay out of the pool'...I live by this statement--marriage was not made for everyone and I personally won't get married but I tell my children if that is what they want to do then do it...its just not right for me...no snipes from friends or family wanted nor needed move on and match make someone else...I literally enjoy every single second of life as a single woman and will live life to the fullest as an independent strong woman...enjoy life cause its not worth it to be miserable one moment longer than need be--I would hate to trudge thru life just getting by...live it to the fullest...

Report Abuse

25. Posted by like funny stories on Mon, Aug 11, 2008

even god is single, lol. reminds me of a pro-singlehood joke,"if god thought marriage was a good idea, he would have kept a woman" :-)

Report Abuse

26. Posted by Dharma5200 on Tue, Aug 12, 2008

Some thoughts on unconditional love: It takes trust to be present , to be able to let go, to just be--- open, unconditional, unguarded,without any false persona as a means of self protection. Fear keeps our guard up ; love, relaxation, self confidence,assurance, honesty, and trust lets us open up more, paving the way for love, unconditional openess, and fearless acceptance of whatever is to come.

Report Abuse

27. Posted by Anna Katharina on Thu, Aug 14, 2008

I also think that it is better to be single and alone than married and lonely.

Report Abuse

28. Posted by Vinsqueeze on Sun, Aug 17, 2008

We are surrounded by so much brokenness, we wear so many different masks, we portray so much dishonesty and pretense in our relationship with our selves and with others, for most of us, whether we are single or paired we chose to be fragmented. Society places more value on being paired than being single and we believe that construct and allow this belief to control how we feel about ourselves. We forget that being single and being paired exist in the same space and time. Each has its perceived pros and non-pros but it's exactly what it is, a state of being. It's important for individuals to stop seeking validation for being single or paired and simply live and enjoy life in the present.

Report Abuse

29. Posted by torontoguy398 on Fri, Aug 22, 2008

Although I'm single and 42, I can't imagine growing old without a family. But.. Being raised by uneducated parents working shift work with limited incomes, my family was filled with stress. I'm not surprised some people can't handle a family. I'd love to have my own family, but I'd need to eliminate the stress in my life first, and increase my income.

Report Abuse