Finding time for your own friends during the crazy-busy years

I got a thank-you note in the mail today from one of my university roommates. She was thanking me for a birthday gift I sent her last month. I don't usually send her birthday presents, but this year, I felt that I had to send her something to try to make up for the fact that I've been invisible for much of the past year. She's certainly done her part to try to stay in touch (she tried to contact me by phone, e-mail, and via one of my blogs during the holidays), but I got sidelined by the normal craziness of the holiday season combined with a health crisis involving my in-laws.

Then the new year arrived and things calmed down a little — at least so far as the in-laws were concerned. Our families' energies shifted to other issues, the most recent being my Dad's need for pacemaker surgery this past week. (As anyone else who has preteens and teens plus aging parents can tell you, there's always something going on.)

Here's what I've clued into rather belatedly: if I keep waiting for that perfect moment (a day when there's no crisis brewing in my entire extended family and I'm guaranteed total privacy plus the luxury of a good half-hour to catch up on my news and hers), it's possible the news my friend and I will be catching up on will relate to pension benefits, grandchildren, and the political and economic scene, circa 2029.

I've waited long enough to reach out to her across the miles. The birthday gift I sent her, while much appreciated by her, doesn't substitute for a heart-to-heart conversation with someone you've called a friend for over 25 years. Besides, her thank-you note hinted at some big changes in her life. What if I was AWOL at a time when she needed my friendship and support more than ever?

I hope you'll excuse me. I've got a phone call to make and it can't wait a moment longer. Like houseplants, friendships can't be neglected indefinitely. I hope it isn't too late for this one.

Now over to you: Have you found it difficult to keep in touch with all of your old friends while you've been busy raising a family? Do we outgrow certain friends once we start having children? Do we cherish some of our old friendships more than ever while making new friends along the way?

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