What to expect from your expectations

I decided to spend much of last week's March Break by taking my youngest on a mini-road trip to visit his grandparents, an aunt, a bunch of second cousins, and other relatives who are either "seconds" or "greats." (I find it difficult to define some of the more complex relationships, so we tend to tell our youngest, "He's your cousin," or "She's your aunt," even if we end up oversimplifying things for the sake of putting away the genealogical chart.)

The highlight of our trip was the afternoon my son and I spent in the lounge of the golf club near the grandparents' house — a space that doubles as the curling club spectator's area. We were joined by my cousin, her two sons, and my aunt. Our mission? To give the boys a chance to experience curling live; and to cheer my Dad and his curling buddies on.

Before we headed to the rink, my cousin and I warned my Dad that we might not be able to stay for the entire game — or for more than 10 or 15 minutes of the game. Two hours in a confined space can feel like forever for any preteen or young teen, let alone two boys with autism and one boy with Asperger's syndrome.

As it turned out, curling was a huge hit with the boys. They loved the rock throwing, shouting, and sweeping, and the giant window that divided the spectators from the ice.

My cousin and I had time to talk, virtually uninterrupted, for the better part of two hours. It felt like a miracle. After being prepared to pick up and go at any time, if need be, we were surprised by the gift of a perfect afternoon.

That's the funny thing about expectations. You're generally better off having none — at least about the things over which you have no control. Once you map out the way things have to go, the situation often deteriorates immediately. (Or at least that's the way things typically work for me.)

What I'm saying is that we don't have to micromanage every aspect of our lives or our kids. Letting go of the need to be in control 24/7 allows for more fun, more surprises and more spontaneous joy. I kind of like it that way.

So how do things work for you when it comes to expectations? Do you get more frustrated if you have expectations for family members and things don't go as you had hoped? Are you better off keeping your expectations reasonable?

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