Sleep routines vs. living by the naptime and bedtime time clock

Earlier this week, I spoke to a group of parents on the topic of sleep. One of the issues that this group of parents wanted to talk about was the difference between having basic sleep routines at bedtime and at naptime versus becoming a totally naptime- and bedtime-obsessed family (a family whose entire life is ruled by the naptime and bedtime clock).

We've all known families who've had to decline invitations to events that would interfere with naptime or bedtime. Many of us have been this family. If you have a child with an extra-challenging temperament, it can take a long time to find a sleep routine that works — and you may be reluctant to mess with sleep karma by doing anything to jeopardize that hard-won sleep victory. Even parents with a child who has been a great sleeper all along sometimes worry that one wrong move on their parts will result in sleep chaos.

It's hardly surprising that parents experience so much anxiety when it comes to the subject of sleep. There's so much conflicting advice about what parents should do to help babies and young children develop healthy sleep habits; and much of this sleep advice tends to be written in all-or-nothing, black-and-white terms. Is it any wonder that parents sometimes forget that there can be some room for compromise -some middle ground — when it comes to sleep?

Take, for example, the issue of naptime and bedtime routines. In most cases, it's possible to build a little flexibility into your child's sleep routine, even if your child has been fairly rigid (even dictatorial!) about how naptime and bedtime will play out at your house.

It's a matter of weighing the costs and benefits of various scenarios. If, for example, you'd like to sign your child up for a Saturday afternoon parent-and-tot swim class, you'll have to decide whether the benefits to your child will offset missing her afternoon nap (and how grumpy she may be for the rest of the day, how difficult she may be to get to bed that evening and so on).

You may find that working towards a more flexible bedtime routine for your child (one that allows for a bit of flexibility in terms of timing, geography and who does the tucking in) is tremendously liberating for the entire family. If your child has had an extremely rigid bedtime routine up until now (she goes to bed at 7:30 pm and mommy has to tuck her in every night), you might start getting her used to having other people tuck her in, so that you'll be able to start getting out in the evening on occasion — or even linger over dessert at Grandma's house, as opposed to constantly keeping one eye on the bedtime time clock.

Now over to you. How do naptimes and bedtimes play out at your house? How have you found that balance between helping your child get sleep (because sleep is important) and not becoming permanently house-bound (which can be totally crazy-making for adults)?

Related:

• Sleep solutions
• Why doesn't anyone tell you what motherhood is really like?
• Toddlers: Early to rise