Here's a conversation that could save your kid's life: The one about dating violence

Dating violence can happen in any relationship. If your pre-teens or teens are dating, they could be experiencing it right now. Or they could be the ones inflicting violence on others. (It's an awful thought, I know.)

That's why we parents owe it to our kids to have another Big Talk: one about dating violence.

They need to know that abuse isn't always physical or sexual; that emotional abuse also causes real harm.

And they need to know that both males and females can be subjected to dating violence, although girls are more likely to experience it than boys.

They also need to know that dating violence happens a lot.

Consider these statistics compiled by researchers at the University of Calgary:

-- A study of students in grades 9 to 13 found that 54% of students were aware of dating violence among their peers, with significantly more girls (61%) reporting this than boys (48%).

-- A study of dating violence among approximately 1700 youth (11 to 20 years old) found significant differences between the percentages of adolescent girls and boys experiencing psychological and/or physical abuse (22% and 12% respectively) and sexual abuse (19% and 4%) respectively. Overall, 29% of adolescent girls and 13% of boys in the sample reported some abuse in their dating relationships.

As parents, we have an important role to play in teaching our kids about respect in relationships and what it means to be a good partner. We also have a special opportunity to spot the warning signs that our kids are involved in a troubled relationship (because we know our own kids so well) and to provide them with the support and guidance they need to make healthy choices about their lives.

According to the Canadian Red Cross, you should at least consider the possibility that your teen could be involved in an abusive relationship if your teen believes that they have to be in a relationship to be happy they are constantly 'walking on eggshells' in an effort to keep a boyfriend/girlfriend happy they drop out of activities they enjoy or stop spending time with friends in order to please a partner are afraid to express their own opinion accepts or excuses inappropriate behavior on their partner's behalf
interprets jealousy or possessiveness as a sign of love.

There are also warning signs that someone may become violent. According to the Department of Justice's Family Violence Initiative, someone who becomes violent towards their dating partner may get too serious too quickly.

-- feel they need to make all the decisions.
-- manipulate and control the other person's contact with friends, family, outside activities, or isolate them from friends and family.
-- put down the other person's ideas, friends, family, appearance.
-- threaten, blame, or use guilt.
-- demand to know the other person's whereabouts at all times.
-- refuse to take 'no' for an answer (and that may include refusing to accept breaking up).

According to the Department of Justice, 'Young people who engage in or who are victimized by dating violence may be at increased risk for continuing to inflict or be victimized by violence as adults, in their intimate relationships, marriages and family lives. Addressing dating violence with young people may prevent future spousal abuse and other forms of family violence.'

So don't put off that conversation any longer. It could, quite literally, be a lifesaver. And it's your kid's life we're talking about.

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