Get a group of parents together and the conversation is bound to turn to the hot topic du jour: 20-something kids who seem to have put down permanent roots in the family home (meaning Mom and Dad's).
It doesn't matter if your own kids are barely out of diapers: other parents are eager-desperate even-to share what they know (or what they've heard) about kids who either won't leave home or won't stay away.
You know you're dealing with a major cultural trend when Statistics Canada and reality TV producers are both seeing eye to eye. And that's exactly what's happening in this case.
According to Statistics Canada, 60 per cent of Canadians between the ages of 20 and 24 were still living with their parents in 2006 (as compared to 49 per cent back in 1986).
And as for the reality TV connection, HGTV is picking up where ABC's Kicked Out left off by launching Guess What...You're Moving Out!
The new home design show teams families with a grown-up son or daughter who isn't showing any signs of wanting to leave home (ever) with an interior designer whose job it is to create a pad that's even more irresistible than Chateau Mom and Dad. (Tough job.)
Some real-world parents I know who've tackled this dilemma have used a combination of carrot ("we'll pay for your move") and stick "we've just cancelled the high-speed Internet and the cable here") while issuing the parental equivalent of an eviction notice: "Your brother is getting your room."
It seems to me that common sense has to come into play for both the landlord and the tenant — something that's easier said than done when emotions are flying high. While your kids are in school or getting themselves established in the world of work, it seems fair and reasonable to me to cut them a bit of slack — to give them a chance to build up enough of a nest egg to afford first and last month's rent and a bit of an emergency fund (or whatever their short-term emergency goals may be).
But I don't know if you're necessarily doing kids any favours by allowing them to lounge around at home indefinitely while they find themselves. (If they can't find all the dirty dishes that have mysteriously disappeared under their beds, maybe they'd have more luck finding themselves in the real world.)
But that's just my take on a situation for which there are no easy answers, endless variables and countless exceptions. I'm eager to hear what you have to say. Is there a point at which parents should encourage their grown-up kids to become a bit more independent? Do you have any thoughts on how you plan to handle this situation with your own kids (or any words of wisdom to share based on your own experiences)?
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