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Yummy or slummy? Mommy labels are everywhere

Posted Tue, Jul 17, 2007
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Move over alpha moms and yummy mummies and super moms and good-enough mothers and slacker moms: there's a new mom on the block: the slummy mummy.

A UK import, slummy mummy is the name of a popular Sunday Times column written by Fiona Neill, who recently published the first-ever slummy mummy novel: The Secret Life of a Slummy Mummy. The slummy mummy movement — if you want to call it that — has its own poster child (or poster mom, if you will): Britney Spears. (Spears was named Britain's "ultimate slummy mummy" for 2006 by baby products manufacturer Avent.) The book also has an unlikely fan: Vogue editor Anna Wintour, who pronounced The Secret Life of a Slummy Mummy "a literary phenomenon to rival Bridget Jones" and ran excerpts of the novel in the June issue.

If you're trying to figure out where slummy mummy fits in the strange (and ever-changing) world of mom labels, a slummy mommy falls somewhere between a beta mom (who is sometimes defined as a mom making a conscious choice not to seek motherhood perfection and, at other times, misrepresented as a follower-type mom who will happily (and unthinkingly) follow the leader-type alpha moms) and a slacker mom on the "underparenting" side of the overparenting/underparenting spectrum. She's ditched perfectionism and decided to let the chips fall where they may (and those are potato chips she's talking about, by the way, not über-healthy organically grown corn chips).

If you absolutely have to figure out where you (or someone you know) fit on the mommy label spectrum, you'll find a million variations of the "Are you an alpha mom or a slacker mom?" quiz online. Most are awful. Some are worse. If you do some searching, I think you'll agree that I'm being kind in my assessment of these Cosmo-style motherhood quizzes. What's next? "What does your Halloween costume say about your mothering style?"

Anyway, this business of categorizing moms as alpha, yummy, good enough, beta, slacker or slummy isn't merely annoying, it's also misleading, because it implies that moms can be categorized as quickly and easily as beef.

That just doesn't ring true in my world. Most moms I know are mix-and-match at best (which reminds me of another "mom type" I stumbled across recently — hybrid mom.) I know moms with alpha parenting tendencies who have gloriously messy homes — and moms whose houses are the stuff of which home reno TV is made, but whose approach to parenting is so slummy mummy that they'd have to keep the kids off the TV set (or blow the show's perfect everything facade).

So I think what we need to do is keep the labels in perspective and accept our mom friends for what they are: one-of-a-kind works-in-progress who don't neatly fit into anyone's formula for motherhood. Good thing. Would you really want to hang out with anyone that predictable?

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5 Comments

  • 1. Posted by anndouglas on Fri, Jul 27, 2007

    A friend told she's reading the Yummy Mummy novel and that it's hilarious. Just thought I'd pass that along.

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  • 2. Posted by C M on Fri, Feb 29, 2008

    I am a guy but I need to say something here. Any woman who worries about Posh Beckham, Madonna or Angelina Jolie and tries to compare themselves in terms of being able to combine super mom skills and maintaining "hotness" is just being silly. Remember, these women are constantly in the public eye, have stylists and you really don't know what goes on behind closed doors. The average working or stay at home mom will never live in their world, so why try? Sure, as a man it is obviously more attractive if your wife/partner doesn't let herself go to pot during the child raising years (just as most women hope that their husbands will do a certain amount of physical upkeep). The bottom line is that you need to feel good about yourself, take pride in your appearance and be the best parent you can. It's all about giving life your best shot.

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  • 3. Posted by destiny.hensel on Fri, Feb 29, 2008

    Even though being a mom means forcing yourself to do a gazillion things you don't wanna do every single day, just to make time to enjoy your children and (hopefully, if you accomplish ALLOT, enjoy yourself), I DO have days where I manage to get ALL of my chores done, some playtime in with the kids, and still Curl my hair and put on some make-up. Those are the very best of days and I'm sure I'm not the only mom who gets a bit of a high just off of knowing that I accomplished all three of those priorities in a single day. Of course, my make-up doesn't get done till suppertime and the stars and moon would have to align for me to also get to go out on one of these rare days, but it's still one of the most rewarding feelings of motherhood, just to know you CAN do it (if only once in a while) enough said.

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  • 4. Posted by denise on Fri, Feb 29, 2008

    First between stars and the ave mom their is no comparison.The stars lately have made it out to b a game,ONCE again the power to? I was happy to see are celebs take concern in this matter,but what's wrong with the children in are back yard? That pisses me off,and shame on those who allow these chidren to b seen in the lamb light,when it only benifits that superstar mom,she;s so wonderful.Boooo.You don't here about the ave foster mom who has committed her life to home less children so they can stand a chance in this society.Mrs.Jolie needs to get a grip on reality these children need time,a place to grow,not a hotel and a nanny who ends up being the real mommy.It's hard to give to 4 children never mind 7.stupid

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  • 5. Posted by Andy on Fri, Feb 29, 2008

    CM - You kind words will undoubtedly inspire and reassure many. It is a good thing that your address is not online as you would have many who would want to know you, find out if you are real. I am 55 and have raised two daughters alone since 1998 with very little support. We went through a lot. The oldest daughter is a blaze of glory, beautiful,joyful, accomlished, and goal oriented. My fourteen year old is the opposite - a big girl, angry, and shockingly rude much of the time - argues about almost everything. I am tired of being angry and begging for some version of help around the house - which I never used to ask for and didn't bother with much myself, but I want change and presumed they, also, did. What I am doing lately, though, is trying to change myself to do things for myself again - exercising every other day and trying to meet friends I actually want to know. Time passes and those mommy years go by quickly, so one has to change with them and evolve as well. Kids are under a lot of pressure at school and with peer pressure, jobs, and all the rest are often doing more than parents, if one thinks about it. Sometimes one needs to focus on oneself as well. Most individuals are pretty average in appearance and have better years or decades than others - and even movie stars are sometimes more an illusion of beauty than not. I think Hollywood gets so used to seeing puffed up lips and super thin as normal that everyday people think that even if we don't really think they are beautiful, they must be. Come on - how many think that collagen lips are unattractive or that Posh's unmoving face is devoid of character and cold looking, whether she is or not. How many really believe that Madonna is gorgeous and not a tad sinewy and hard in appearance.One can admire their accomplishments, but one doesn't have to believe everything the media dishes out.Youth is radiant (Kate Hudson, K

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