It's been a decade since my oldest child became a tween. Now my youngest is holding his own in that zone. Her transition from kid to tween just about did me in. His? No big deal.
The fact that it's so much easier the fourth time around proves that I've learned a few things from the previous kid-to-tween transformations. I thought I'd share some of what I've learned with you, just in case you're a first-timer looking for signs of hope from the other side (some point in the future when tween melodrama is no longer part of your every waking moment).
So here it is: the parenting-a-tween cheat sheet I wish someone had passed me a little over a decade ago.
FACT: The tween stage arrives, whether you're ready or not. And if your experience is typical, your child will morph from kid to tween from one day to the next, leaving you with parenting whiplash.
FACT: You really do need to learn to walk away from some of the smaller skirmishes. Otherwise, the next five years (or longer) is going to feel like the mother or father of all battles. You don't have the stamina to out-debate your tween (and future teen) until they outgrow the love of a good argument.
FACT: You've got to have parent-friends. It's the only way you can compare notes and avoid being conned by that timeless line, "But everybody else gets to...." (Sure, you can play the parenting trump card, "Our family; our rules." But it's somehow terribly satisfying to be able to cite parenting precedent. Ask any lawyer.)
MANTRA TO LIVE BY: To thine own parenting experiences be true. Instead of white-washing the truth about what it's really like to raise tweens, tell the truth. Not only will you make it possible for others to offer you support (it's tough for people to step in and be there for you if you keep insisting that things simply couldn't be more perfect, thank you very much), you'll also make it easier for other parents to open up about the challenges they're facing in their lives (as opposed to feeling like they have to match your oh-so-perfect version of family life with their own white-washed version of the truth). And if you create a network of parents you can turn to on the tough days of tween parenting now (perhaps a combination of real-life and online friends?), you'll have them to turn to when your tween decides to do the inevitable and morphs into a teen.
What's on your mind this week? Do you have a parenting question or concern you'd like me to address in a future column? Is there something going on in your community that other Canadian parents should know about? You can post your comments below or contact me @anndouglas (on Twitter).
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