Unpleasant Business

Dear Josey,

I have recently been married and am very much in love with my husband. We are well suited to each other. Before we were married, we dated for about six months and I decided that the relationship was too serious. I wasn’t quite ready to be tied down and told him I didn’t want to see him anymore. Shortly after, I met a man at work who made me absolutely crazy from the moment I met him. We had great sex and hung out all the time laughing and having fun. He was the kind of guy who made you feel like you were dying of excitement, but also made you want to die in general. Head games were his specialty. Which I eventually found out when I was talking to my boss about a child’s drawing hanging above his desk. It turns out the drawing was done by my boss’s granddaughter, who also happened to be the daughter of my new boyfriend. Yes, he was married to my boss’s daughter. I never spoke to him after that. I got back together with my old boyfriend and got married. Recently my ex emailed me and asked me to meet him. I just don’t know what to do. I feel so guilty, but the stupid thing is that I am still completely attracted to him. How could I possibly still be into this guy? I don’t get it. I know what I should do. But what I should do and what I want to do are very different. Help.

Unpleasant Business

Dear Unpleasant,

Think about it. You and this guy got to enjoy that initial thrill that happens at the beginning of each new attraction. Then, it gets cut short when you find out he’s the boss’ son-in-law. Sure, the moral part of you is outraged but no doubt a tiny part of you is intrigued and excited by the deviance of it all. It’s human nature to be drawn to what is taboo. It’s exiting, gets our adrenaline going and keeps us alive. Then to have it suddenly taken away from you like taking a drug away from an addict. You may kick the habit but you never entirely kick the craving. When your ex then calls you, it’s like someone tempting you with a drink after you’ve been on the wagon for a while. Your mouth starts watering and you wonder what it would be like to just have one taste.

It’s time to give yourself a reality check. You and this guy got to enjoy all the most delicious bits of a relationship. It’s like eating chocolate cake all the time. And why do we want chocolate cake when we know that a salad would be much better for us? Because chocolate cake is way more rich and sweet and immediately gratifying. But could you eat chocolate cake every day for the rest of your life? Probably not. After a while, if the scurvy doesn’t get you, your body starts craving something healthier, like a salad. I suggest you enjoy your life of salad, which, for the most part, makes you feel happy and healthy. If you’re feeling like you need some chocolate cake once in a while, you’re better off finding ways to bake some up with your husband then tossing your salad for a steady diet of cake.