Testing Our Cohabiting Compatibility

Dear Josey,

I’m 23 years old and in a healthy, loving, and extremely satisfying relationship. We’ve been together for two years, and are both full-time students. We’ve talked about moving in together and I’ve already told him that I’d rather wait until we’re both finished school and have a steady income before taking that step. We’ve been on a week-long vacation with friends that went amazingly well and have a romantic getaway planned (something I’m told, will help test compatibility), have stayed over at each other’s places for long weekends without incident and get along great with each other’s family and friends. What other steps do you think we should take before we move in together? What are some of the critical discussions we should have beforehand, to ease the transition? Are there any other “compatibility test-run” type activities we can try before we go for it? I’ve seen the “premature move-in” explode in friends’ faces and would rather not rush into this blindly.

Testing Our Cohabiting Compatibility

Dear Testing,

I admire you for being cautious about moving in together. I agree with you, that a lot of people take the decision too lightly or do it for the wrong reasons and the situation ends up exploding in their faces. But, while I wish I could tell you there was some kind of “Are We Ready to Move in Together Test Kit,” there isn’t. It’s not an exact science so stop trying to make it one. Ultimately, a certain part of the decision is simply based on our gut instincts. If your gut instinct is still telling you that you should wait until you’re done school and working, listen to it. That doesn’t mean you can’t continue to do things to “test” your compatibility by taking trips together, spending weekends together, and talking about what it would be like living together. In fact, some of the things that would be really good to talk about that most people don’t BEFORE moving in together are things like how you’ll manage money, bills and housework. Not exactly the sexiest topics to discuss, I realize, but too many people get into trouble because they imagine all the fun stuff about living together and think all the tedious stuff will just work itself out but it’s the tedious stuff that gets you every time. It may be that, in continuing to do all this, your gut gets on board early, and you move in before you originally planned which is fine. Just don’t do it out of pressure. Do it because you really feel ready to take the leap.