Dear Josey,
My former partner and I are both in our 50s. When we were dating, he gave me a few gifts, including a ring. Our relationship eventually deteriorated in part because he has anger issues and often treated me badly. I borrowed some money from him while we were dating and he owes me some money from some bills we shared. He told me to take the amount he owed me off of what I owed him (my amount was higher) and pay him back in monthly payments. I recently emailed him to arrange to make a payment and he replied saying he wanted me to return the gifts he gave me, including the ring. Do I have to give these back or is he being unreasonable? Also, I want to pay him back but am thinking I should make the payments through a third party like his mother or something so I don’t have to deal with him. What do you think?
Gifts That Keep on Taking
Dear Gifts,
He is being unreasonable and no, you don’t have to give the gifts back. However, looking down at your hand only to be reminded of how badly things ended and what a mean-spirited revengeful person you dated can’t be much of a hoot so I’m not sure why you’d want to keep this stuff anyway. I don’t know about the other gifts he gave you, but a woman’s ring isn’t exactly useful to him unless he’s tacky enough to give it to another woman, in which case, it would be just another confirmation that you made the right decision to break up with this guy. I suspect he is just doing this to be hurtful. Give the gifts back and get this man and any reminders of his hurtful, mean ways out of your life. And yes, you should definitely find a way to make payments to him through a third party so that you don’t have to deal with this guy and you can eventually free yourself of any emotional and financial ties to him. I just don’t think dealing with his mother is the best idea. You’d be better to set up an online payment system through your bank or PayPal or something so you don’t run the risk of him getting to you through a third party, particularly one that gave birth to him.



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