Business Sense

I’ve never slept with my boss. Though, when I was 18 and volunteering on a kibbutz in Israel, the volunteer coordinator (technically, my boss) had a crush on me that I perhaps, maybe, kind of, took advantage of. Okay, I got my own room while the rest of the volunteers had to share. And I got to work where I wanted to and take time off when I wanted to. It was a sweet deal, and I felt justified because I had to put up with him constantly hitting on me, even thought I made it clear I didn’t want to sleep with him.

Some say bosses and employees shouldn’t mix, end of story. The inherent power dynamic makes it inherently sexual harassment, which, last time I checked, is illegal. But others say, that if two adults consent to a relationship, whatever their working relationship, it’s none of our business -- let them sort it out.

My feelings lie somewhere in the middle. I mean practically every woman has had some form of weird, charged relationship with someone in authority in her life. And, even if he didn’t act on it, I’m sure most guys have wanted to have a relationship with a female teacher or some other female authority at some point in their lives. Older, more experienced people in positions of authority are exciting when you’re young, inexperienced and without much power. There’s no denying it.

Sometimes these relationships teach us. I have a friend whose affair with her college professor has proven to be one of the most meaningful of her life. In their brief time together, he taught her about love and made her feel special in a way other boys haven’t.

Sometimes these relationships even last. I know another friend who worked in a restaurant and started dating her boss. They eventually married and now she manages the restaurant.

It’s when it doesn’t work out, when the bubble bursts, that it gets ugly. Sure, the relationship seemed like a good idea at the time, in fact, it probably made you feel quite in control. “Woohoo, I’m sleeping with the boss; I can do no wrong; I can make him do whatever I want.” Until he decides it’s over. Or his wife finds out. (Not that that always ends it. I know one prof who slept with a student and ended up leaving his wife to be with her. Last I heard they were still together.) Suddenly, you realize how powerless you are, how you need to keep being nice to this person to keep your job or pass a course, with little means of retaliation.

Still, ruling out dating in the workplace entirely, as is the case in some companies, strikes me as mildly insulting. It’s like saying; “You people are too stupid to figure out the complexities of having a relationship with someone you work with or for so we won’t even let you try.”

To me, it’s simple: it depends where your intentions lie. As the boss or teacher, are you doing it because you can? Because you wield the power to get away with it? Because if it doesn’t work out or if your employee doesn’t respond to your interest, you can fire them or make their lives miserable? Or do you genuinely like the person and are prepared to deal with the complications, problems, or fallout that may arise from dating an employee?

Ever since men and women…okay, let’s not be heterosexist…ever since people have had to work together, the potential for romance and the potential for the abuse of power have coexisted.