I am a young mother. Or, at least I was a young mother when I had my daughter. I was 21 when she was born. I’m 34 now.
Yep. I was a young one. Too young many would argue (and did argue, for hours, in loud voices). I would argue that too, now. This is probably going to raise the hackles of young moms everywhere but most of the warnings people gave me came true. Would I change anything? No way.
That being said, as I approach the decision to have another baby, I have the advantage of looking at both sides of the argument. So is it better to wait or have kids young?
There are many benefits of having children young. You have energy. You are young enough to remember childhood, so playing with them can actually be fun. The fact that you live in poverty doesn’t matter as much because you still have that youthful ignorance and feeling of invincibility. Best of all, when you’re forty and actually have money, the kids are grown and you are still young enough to enjoy your life.
Then there are the cons. You are missing out on the best single days of your life. I’m not talking about dating or partying, I’m talking about traveling, meeting new people and finding out who you really are before you’re permanently strapped to someone else. You are missing out on experiences you can learn from and teach your kids about later.
The money is a bit more problematic. I had a student loan that paid for two degrees and took nine years to pay off, so I was in debt coming out of the gate. Do I think my daughter has suffered because of it? I would have to say no. She knows she is loved and secure, with or without the iPod. However, sometimes I wish I could have given her more.
The pros are obvious to waiting—money, security, stability— so what are the cons of having kids older? To start, less energy, having a teenager in your fifties or sixties and getting over the lack of ‘me’ time. Sometimes older parents can be too mature and don’t want to get down in the dirt to play. I feel that way now. The last thing I want to do is play a rousing game of house.
Some older parents resent giving up so much for their kids. When you’re young and don’t have an established career, you don’t have to worry about giving one up. You still get that career—it’s just slow to grow. Whereas, when you’re older and at the height of your career, it’s harder to slow it down or even stop it for awhile. Plus, you’ll have to work longer to pay for the schooling of the child you waited to have.
I guess I don’t have an answer to the young vs. old question. Both have their benefits and their problems. Maybe I still lack the maturity and wisdom to truly answer the question. I’ll have to revisit the subject in twenty years, when I’ll still be doing this to pay for the schooling of the yet-to-be-conceived child.
What do you think about this debate?
