They talk back, they ignore direction and they swear in the playground, but are kids ruder than they were 30 years ago?
In grade five, I learned the mother of all swear words (at least it was then). I remember giggling with my friend as we said it back and forth to each other, strategically placing it in sentences in ways that would elicit major giggling fits. That’s not abnormal. What is abnormal is that it took until grade five for me to hear that word—at least by today's standards.
Today, it’s almost commonplace to hear that word sprinkled across a schoolyard full of first graders. Of course, it’s crude and a little alarming, but does that mean kids are ruder or just following by example? After all, it’s used in lots of movies and some television shows to accentuate a point or bridge a sentence. Parents have also been known to use it when they stub their toe or get cut off on the highway. Fudge just doesn’t seem to cut it anymore.
Kids also question authority much more than I ever would. Does that mean they’re rude or asserting their independence? Some people argue for the latter and say that kids today are more mature, not ruder, than they used to be.
Dr. Scott Wooding, educator, psychologist and author of Rage, Rebellion & Rudeness: Parenting Teenagers in the New Millennium does not agree. “Kids are ruder than they used to be,” he says.
Wooding thinks that many of today’s kids act like they live without rules because they do. “Parents are just too busy and tired, and both of those are deadly combinations” he says. “They’re not spending as much time with their kids and they’re not communicating. They’re feeling a little guilty about that and therefore they’re more lenient with their kids. And that’s exactly the wrong thing to be with a child.”
Wrong because kids like boundaries, they like rules and they like structure. “A framework of rules makes them feel safer and more comfortable,” Wooding says. So where should parents start to get their kids back in line? Here are Wooding’s hints:
- When kids are rude, do not get emotional yourself. React calmly, and tell your child you do not accept that kind of language and/or inappropriate behaviour.
- If it’s needed, send them to their room. If they won’t go, give them what Wooding calls 'the look.' “The idea is you simply look at your kid—you don’t have to have any expression on your face and you just look at them,” he says. “You don’t have to say anything else or you might say ‘I told you, go to your room’ so you reinforce it once and then you just look at them. They can’t take that for very long, nobody can.
- Do not argue with your child. “The way to argue with a kid is you don’t,” Wooding says.
- Do not blur the boundaries. You are their parent, not their friend.
- COMMUNICATE. Even if they do not want to talk to you, always ask about their day; always let them know that you’re interested; and always make time in the day to talk to your child.
- Spend time with your children. If that means dropping a lesson or two, then do it. Kids will remember the time they spent with you more than their violin lessons.
What do you think? Are kids ruder today than ever before? Tell us your stories.
