Grandma's Quilts (continued)

Don’t be afraid to rethink your pattern if it isn’t working for you anymore. Sometimes it’s necessary to rethink your quilting pattern and to come up with an alternative design. Ditto for your holiday celebrations. Jennifer Crump of Smooth Rock Falls, Ontario, decided to “downsize Christmas” when it became apparent that her family’s traditional way of celebrating the holidays—commuting to visit two sets of grandparents who lived eight to twelve hours away—was no longer allowing her and her husband to truly connect with their five daughters. “Our celebrations were starting to revolve around the adults rather than the children, and I didn’t feel comfortable with that.” Five years ago, the Crumps decided to start spending their Christmases at home rather than travelling to southern Ontario—something that allowed them to introduce a cherished new tradition: cooking something special as a family on Christmas Eve. “Downsizing Christmas was the best thing we ever did,” Crump insists.

You may also need to rethink your pattern if your family circumstance’s change. Hinton, Alberta, newly single mother of four Dawn McCoy found that sticking with old traditions—like having her ex-husband present for a family Christmas dinner—didn’t work particularly well. “Things have changed in your life and your family’s life. Pretending nothing has happened and trying to keep up with old traditions is almost hypocritical. You are starting a new life and that means starting your own set of traditions.”

Bridget Kelley has also learned the importance of rethinking old traditions. Christmas changed dramatically after her only child—her nine-year-old daughter Jade died six years ago. She “cancelled Christmas” that first year, but has since found special ways to honour Jade’s memory each year, like decorating a special memory tree with Christmas ornaments that her daughter made or was given over the years.

Even less dramatic changes in circumstances—something as simple as the fact that your children are moving into the teen years and beyond—can highlight the need for some new traditions, notes Vancouver mother of two Lori Bamber: “I remember experiencing a powerful sense of loss when my son first left home and I realized that I would no longer be at the centre of his Christmas celebrations. I quickly learned that connecting with older kids really means connecting on their level. I’ve learned to let go of my ideas of what makes a great Christmas and listen to what they want.”

Vow to work on your quilt throughout the year—not just during the holiday season. Audrey Lightheart, a Caledonia, Ontario, grandmother of 14 and mother of four, feels that the connections she makes with throughout the year are every bit as important as the ones she makes during the crazy-busy holiday season. She feels that the strength of her bonds to her four children and 14 grandchildren can be attributed to the fact that she and her family make a point of staying connected throughout the year. “The pace of day-to-day living is much faster and busier than I recall life being when I was a child, or even when my own children were growing up. One would expect this would make it harder to keep in touch. However, the wondrous inventions of the telephone and e-mail are a boon to keeping in touch. I like to think that mutual affection and concern for one another’s well being keep us connected year round.”