on Yahoo!Say thank you
It's great to have a comfort level with your spouse that allows you to eat with your fingers or shrug off the occasional gaseous release, but it's still good to mind your manners most of the time - it makes people feel appreciated and respected.
For example, Leanne and Stefan Grammenz of Toronto make sure they acknowledge even the most mundane day-to-day chores. "Stefan will thank me for doing the dishes," says Leanne. "It's funny, but I don't mind doing it as much because I know he notices."
Keep it surprising
When Marleau Belanger complained about the prospect of celebrating his milestone 30th birthday on Christmas Eve, his wife, Lori, threw him a 29 1/2 birthday party in June. And for their third anniversary last July, Marleau hired a four-seater plane to fly the two of them over Winnipeg. "I would never have guessed in a million years that he could have planned something so special for us to do."
Of course, endearing surprises can also be simple, like leaving notes or, in Lisa and Brad Day's case, impromptu dances across the kitchen floor: "We play a lot of music in the house and I'll just grab him and start dancing. He just goes along with it and the kids love it."
Make the effort
If you take your relationship for granted, all the other secrets listed here are useless. "It's really important not to ignore your relationship because that's the greatest gift you're going to give to your kids," says Marsman.
"After five years of marriage, we're still figuring things out," says Leanne Grammenz, who with her husband, Stefan, regularly discuss their relationship. For example, she says, when their son, Willem, was born two years ago, they had to work through all the new emotions and anxieties that come to the surface with such a life-changing event. "There were things we didn't know each other was sensitive about and we had to work at it and adjust."
And for those who have the view that good relationships shouldn't take effort, Marsman has this response: "People work at their careers, they work at their hobbies. And I think in good marriages, long-standing, healthy marriages, people make an effort to make it work."
Originally published in Today's Parent, February 2006. This content was current at the time of publication.
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