Back-to-School Jitters

School starts soon and your child is acting strange. Maybe she’s having trouble sleeping at night. Maybe she’s unusually clingy. Or maybe you’re lucky enough to have a child who can say what’s bothering her: “I don’t want to go to school.”

School plays a huge role in children’s lives, so it’s no wonder that some find the transition back nerve-wracking. It’s common for kids to feel this way, says Toronto child and adolescent psychotherapist Rosalind Kindler.

What do kids worry about? Plenty, says Kindler. Six-year-olds are heading into grade one and, even if they attended kindergarten at the same school, it’s a big step. “Dealing with something that’s unfamiliar is anxiety provoking,” says Kindler. As kids get further into this age group, school itself is more familiar, but social anxiety may increase: Will the other kids like me? Will my old friends be in my class?

The wrinkle is that most children aren’t able to articulate their worries, says Kindler, so we need to pick up on their signs of anxiety. She says, “Ask your child if she’s worried about going back to school next week.” Some kids may not want to admit it, so reassure them that a lot of people feel nervous before starting something new and you don’t think their fears are silly.

Now that you know what the problem is, how can you reassure your child?

Visit the scene. Take a walk or drive to the school and hang out in the playground. Give your child a chance to remember the layout and get comfortable. You may even be able to meet briefly with the teacher and sneak a peek at your child’s new classroom.

Stand behind her. “Let your child know she doesn’t have to cope alone,” says Kindler. “Tell her, ‘Mommy and Daddy have lots of opportunities to speak with your teacher. And if she’s worried about you, or if you’re worried about school, we’re here to help out.’”

Buddy up. Is there a friend from last year who will be in the same class? Why not arrange a playdate so your child can feel he’s heading back to school with an ally?

Express your confidence. Kids need our understanding and support — but they also need our faith in them. “Give your child a strong message that you know he will do just fine,” says Kindler.

School phobia

A case of pre-school fright is perfectly normal, but some children have such a severe fear of school that simple parental reassurance is not enough. If your child's anxiety symptoms are extreme and continue over a period of weeks into the school year without improvement, it may be time to speak with a professional. Begin by checking with the teacher if she is observing anything that may account for your child's anxiety (from learning difficulties to possible bullying). If there are no obvious problems at school, a child psychologist or psychotherapist may be able to help.