Considering Not Being Mr. Nice Guy

1. Posted by Koztah V on Fri, Apr 24, 2009

Allow me to answer this one, Josey. Dating Guy, dude, bro. There's nothing wrong with being nice, and you can be sure as hell that chicks want a nice guy. But here's your problem: you're letting 'em get the milk for free so they ain't buying the cow. The expression goes both ways. If they can get all the niceness, support, shoulder to cry on and company from you without dating you or commiting to a relationship, then they will. Just like some guys won't commit if they're getting tail anyway. If you're making up for their jerkwad boyfriend's deficiencies then they're going to stay with the jerkwad - the status quo is easier. And another thing, guy, a relationship is never going to fulfill you. Only you can do that, and the sooner you stop telling yourself that you need a woman the sooner you'll feel confident with yourself and the easier it'll be to get dates or get laid or whatever you're looking for. Tom Robbins wrote in Still Life with Woodpecker; "When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on - series polygamy - until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimension to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter." Think about that.

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2. Posted by Jim C on Thu, Apr 23, 2009

...So, stop feeling sorry for yourself, hold your chin up, and show us that your niceness has some backbone... It’s quite a voluntarily-retarded stretch to think or assume that nice guys feel anything like the above line. Some of us are not feeling sorry for ourselves, or crying any blues about women in the least, but are instead ‘sitting it out for awhile’. There’s a minimum standard that I’ll accept, and these days most women don’t meet it! Why?? Because of women’s current behaviour. Men have been monitoring something that woman never seem to get to – their own behaviour. Some of us nice guys ARE the real deal in the back-bone dept, because we don’t play games, nor do we tell you whatever you need to hear today, just to temporarily satisfy your endless self centred focus & constant neediness. We tell you the truth and we don’t take any guff, but you don’t happen to like that, because then you’d have to look at yourselves far deeper than just what the ‘mirror’ & the ‘fake up’ can show & hide. Feeling sorry for ourselves??? It’s women who cry, “Oh I don’t want to be alone”, or “I can’t handle being lonely!” not men. It’s women who will date somebody verses nobody. Personally, I’d rather date nobody, than just somebody! I say that among other reasons that women want bad boys, one reason is because they can then justify & excuse their own terrible behaviour in a ‘tit for tat’ type of relationship with the jerks. With nice guys, they just might have to work a little harder to 'reach the bar', & probably wouldn’t be able to get away with ‘things’ for very long. Else the nice guy would just as soon bail, and let the jerks jerk her around some more! We get the last laugh, though! By the time some women figure out what they want, we don’t want them any more. Then they end up lonely, which is exactly what they wanted to avoid in the first place. Then we’ll hear even more sob stories.

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3. Posted by Jim C on Thu, Apr 23, 2009

…it’s been so long, I was starting to feel hopeful that guys were finally over this “nice-guy” martyr thing... Wow! Considering that Josey Vogels makes her living at this, she is clearly out of touch, and should consider stepping aside for someone much more capable & qualified for the position. We’re constantly being reminded over & over again by these endless sob stories, of “How I can’t find Mr. Right”. and “I’m done with guys, - they’re all jerks!” And, “Where are all the nice guys?” only to see the same patterns of repetitive jerk dating, followed by more sob stories. The main societal focus now, and for the last little while, is all about WOMEN and what women want. Very few options for men being discussed these days, [unless you’re gay, of course]. A friend of mine asked a happily married woman what women wanted, and I couldn’t believe her reply. She said, “When I look at my still-single friends and the choices they make, it’s clear that they really don’t know what they want - they just think they do! That’s the problem!” So guys, how can you possibly deal with someone, who doesn’t even know what she wants? But she thinks she does, though! Notice how she’s always right!

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4. Posted by Jim C on Thu, Apr 23, 2009

…it’s been so long, I was starting to feel hopeful that guys were finally over this “nice-guy” martyr thing... Wow! Considering that Josey Vogels makes her living at this, she is clearly out of touch, and should consider stepping aside for someone much more capable & qualified for the position. We’re constantly being reminded over & over again by these endless sob stories, of “How I can’t find Mr. Right”. and “I’m done with guys, - they’re all jerks!” And, “Where are all the nice guys?” only to see the same patterns of repetitive jerk dating, followed by more sob stories. The main societal focus now, and for the last little while, is all about WOMEN and what women want. Very few options for men being discussed these days, [unless you’re gay, of course]. A friend of mine asked a happily married woman what women wanted, and I couldn’t believe her reply. She said, “When I look at my still-single friends and the choices they make, it’s clear that they really don’t know what they want - they just think they do! That’s the problem!” So guys, how can you possibly deal with someone, who doesn’t even know what she wants? But she thinks she does, though! Notice how she’s always right!

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5. Posted by Jim C on Thu, Apr 23, 2009

...So, stop feeling sorry for yourself, hold your chin up, and show us that your niceness has some backbone... It’s quite a voluntarily-retarded stretch to think or assume that nice guys feel anything like the above line. Some of us are not feeling sorry for ourselves, or crying any blues about women in the least, but are instead ‘sitting it out for awhile’. There’s a minimum standard that I’ll accept, and these days most women don’t meet it! Why?? Because of women’s current behaviour. Men have been monitoring something that woman never seem to get to – their own behaviour. Some of us nice guys ARE the real deal in the back-bone dept, because we don’t play games, nor do we tell you whatever you need to hear today, just to temporarily satisfy your endless self centred focus & constant neediness. We tell you the truth and we don’t take any guff, but you don’t happen to like that, because then you’d have to look at yourselves far deeper than just what the ‘mirror’ & the ‘fake up’ can show & hide. Feeling sorry for ourselves??? It’s women who cry, “Oh I don’t want to be alone”, or “I can’t handle being lonely!” not men. It’s women who will date somebody verses nobody. Personally, I’d rather date nobody, than just somebody! I say that among other reasons that women want bad boys, one reason is because they can then justify & excuse their own terrible behaviour in a ‘tit for tat’ type of relationship with the jerks. With nice guys, they just might have to work a little harder to 'reach the bar', & probably wouldn’t be able to get away with ‘things’ for very long. Else the nice guy would just as soon bail, and let the jerks jerk her around some more! We get the last laugh, though! By the time some women figure out what they want, we don’t want them any more. Then they end up lonely, which is exactly what they wanted to avoid in the first place. Then we’ll hear even more sob stories.

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6. Posted by Evildnalor on Thu, Apr 23, 2009

I have about 15 girls I could be with right now. The one I love, is a total bad girl. Wow. Sooo true. I want no other. She is not mean or manipulative, usually. But she is bad, she has not had a perfect life, and she looks at me with these beautiful japanimation girl eyes and talks in this sweet as honey voice, and I just melt. My mom, and other girls are like. How does she have this effect on you? You have become a different person. You are working, you have ambition, you are talking to more people, you quit smoking weed... So yeah ladies, go for the bad boys. I will go for the bad girls. I am not like, Jesus, or anything. But the badder they are, and the more they hurt you, and the stronger they make you feel. Like a cute little priceless gemstone you can flash around. It is just as my name says, logic.

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7. Posted by LAWRENCE H on Mon, Apr 13, 2009

Advice from one nice guy to the rest: Read "The Game" by Neil Straus. It will teach you all the tricks that bad boys use. It's not about getting in to women's pants, it's about getting the confidence to make the first move, and also know what women are looking for from a man who makes the first move. It has nothing to do with good guys or bad. It has everything to do with being confident and interesting. Nice guys finish last because they are shy and awkward. Ladies, if you or your friends have ever said "where are all the nice guys?", the answer is EVERYWHERE. I would say 80% of guys are nice guys who will treat you well. What they probably won't do is walk up to you and tell you everything you want to hear, the way a jerk will. So if an average-looking guy awkwardly comes up to you and says something really dumb or ridiculous or uninspiring... cut him some slack, cuz he's likely going to treat you better than anyone else ever has.

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8. Posted by Sheila B on Sun, Apr 12, 2009

I just got out of a year long relationship with a TATTOO COLIN, he WAS the nice guy until his head got to big with his career and then couldn't separate this job from OUR life. I never wanted to be his mother or his teacher (I have children already). I tried to help him get his life on track after losing everything in his last relationship. The thanks I got was a kick in the teeth and a bunch of unfinished tattoos. His ego got in the way and he forgot about us. He turned into the BAD BOY. I wouldn't change my life or who I was to suit his new lifestyle and new "friends". So it doesn't always pay to be the "nice girl" either.

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9. Posted by TATTOOJAKE on Wed, Apr 8, 2009

My Advice to the GUYS is , be yourself and take no guff about it. If she wants you to change, she ain't the one for you. My Advice to the GIRLS is, be a girl.don't try to be my mommy or my teacher or a product of one of vogue's "how to catch a man" readers.

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10. Posted by Nobody on Wed, Apr 8, 2009

A women's attraction to the "bad boy" is a distortion of human releationships that is a result of the fall into sin by Adam & Eve. "...Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." Genesis 3:16b. This however, is not God's plan for us, but is a reminder of our need to turn from sin and to place our trust in Jesus Christ as Lord.

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