on Yahoo!Tara's Take The arrangement of a first meeting can quickly turn into a power struggle. "If the negotiation process becomes arduous and your date is inflexible on the logistics, there's always the possibility that you are dealing with a controlling person or someone who is just not that invested in the idea of meeting. In either case, you have a decision to make."
Question Period
Jane and Jeremy had been dancing around each other in the weeks leading up to a big party, and Jane decided that by the end of the night a date would be set between them. Instead, she found herself stuck in a corner, feeding Jeremy question after question; he answered each one at great length, stopping only to wait patiently for the follow-up. If you can finish an entire drink while he answers a question, what he's saying (and saying, and saying) is A) "I was raised by a pack of kinkajous" and B) "You couldn't possibly be more interesting than I am." Jane wrote the orator off that night - and who can blame her.
Tara's Take "To override the basic skill of conversational back-and-forth is to send a clear, narcissistic message. That being said, he may think he's auditioning for you, giving you the information you're secretly longing for. Be direct and highlight what's going on: 'I feel as if I'm interrogating you!' His response will give you a better idea of what you're dealing with."
Emotional Bra-Snapping
When I met Craig at a party, he followed his charming opener ("Who are you?") by congratulating me rather smugly on my "affectation of boredom." I replied that my boredom was in fact genuine, but he kept at it, and it became clear he was actually trying to impress me. He finagled my number from someone I knew and called me the next night, suggesting I bring my "studied disdain" to yet another party he was attending. Perhaps he thought my irritation (due to his insults) was cute, the way a bully would after snapping the new girl's bra in front of the whole class. He thought wrong.
Tara's Take "All behaviour is goal-directed, so it's possible that, in his admittedly immature way, he was barrelling toward a particular goal (charming you) with an ill-conceived tactic. In order to make the call between whether a guy is insulting you out of nerves or genuine idiocy, look closely at the context and the quality of the remark."
Sucked Into the Vor-text
I met Ryan through mutual friends, and we spent an evening chatting before our group broke up. He asked for my number, and I handed it over, thinking he was a warm and interesting guy, mature beyond his 33 years. Even before I made it home that night, I received a text message expressing his interest in seeing me again, then another and another. I responded, assuming at some point we would exchange more than five words at a time. A week passed and I became certain that sending text messages was not an expression of interest but a cheap, ego-boosting attempt to gauge my interest in him. Indeed, the week after that I learned from someone else that he already had a girlfriend (see The Courtesy "We"), and that my instincts, sadly, were right.
Tara's Take "Everyone has a barometer for how much texting they need or want to do with a new person." Sometimes excessive texting indicates that that's all a guy is looking for: "If actually talking on the phone or communicating face to face is too much pressure for him, that's probably good to know." U said it.
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