Sabrina Daintry* (*Name and identifying details have been changed) tried to block out the cheers of the studio audience and pinched herself one more time: she couldn't believe she was about to appear on a national talk show. Usually Sabrina controlled her emotions by ignoring everything and everyone around her. But as the show's opening jingle blared and the host walked onstage, waving to the audience, the striking thirtysomething felt her first burst of butterflies. Barely a week had passed since Sabrina eagerly accepted the invitation to talk about her brutal honesty on TV, and she was seriously nervous.
Until that moment, the Halifax native had told herself that being on a much-loved and respected talk show was the opportunity of a lifetime. Family and friends were excited for her. She had even daydreamed about being "discovered." Besides, people always told her they loved her bluntness. And those who didn't, well, they just couldn't handle the truth.
The audience grew quiet. Here we go, she thought. Oh crap. How am I going to get through this?
Host: "Thanks for joining us. On the show today..."
Cut to a pre-filmed clip of Sabrina: "If your boyfriend's an idiot, I'll tell you to dump him."
Host: "When you should tell the truth..."
Sabrina: "I don't give a shit how it sounds."
Host: "...and when a tiny fib might be best."
Sabrina never saw it coming - not the public vilification and not the ensuing self-loathing. But how could she have seen it? In denial about her own childhood scars, Sabrina was incapable of being sensitive to anyone else's pain. Empathy and compassion just weren't part of her constitution. What's more, she was completely oblivious to the effect her harsh behaviour had on others. She thought of herself as strong, tough-minded and resilient - and expected others to be the same way.
Of course, when it came to honesty, what Sabrina really needed was to be truthful with herself. And yet, it took the most public kind of exposure - with her flaws illuminated under hot studio lights and projected from TV sets across North America - for her to finally see the hardened person she'd become. Only then was she forced to confront her painful past, begin a journey toward self-discovery and learn to embrace the barrage of emotions that come with a rich and meaningful life.
About a year before Sabrina's 20 minutes of fame, a different network's program on successful women rubbed her the wrong way. Irked because the participants didn't fit her notion of success, Sabrina wrote a letter complaining to her favourite talk show. In her note, she bragged about being an accomplished single woman with many great qualities, including a rare sense of honesty. Then she forgot about it.
Sabrina had every reason to be proud of herself. Born to two teenage heroin addicts, she'd worked hard to avoid repeating her parents' - especially her mother's - mistakes. When she turned five, Sabrina recalls her mom showing up at her grandmother's doorway to say goodbye. "I knew when she left, she would be gone forever." By that time, Sabrina's father had cleaned up and remarried, so she moved in with him and his new wife. But the couple split up when Sabrina was 15, and again her life changed dramatically.
Living alone with her father turned out to be a pretty wild ride. As long as she let him know where she was, Sabrina could do as she pleased. Boys slept over. She snuck into bars. Still, Sabrina was determined to complete high school as well as a subsequent diploma in computer programming.
